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Sextent
08-02-2008, 08:43 PM
On TV's "A Place in The Sun" or "Destination, Destination, Destination" if it's two women you assume that the bloke couldn't be arsed going or being on the telly, so she took he pal.

However if it's two blokes you just know it's a pair of the gays.

The Flying Cow
08-02-2008, 09:36 PM
Who says they're not a bunch of dykes?

Sextent
08-02-2008, 09:38 PM
How can two blokes be a bunch of dykes.

That's just stupid.

Two could never be a bunch.

chalice
08-02-2008, 09:44 PM
You watch wummums programs.

What the fuck.

They're for women to shout at men. Same as wife-swap.

For every fucking cawk you see in Wife-Swap, your missus can see that cunt in you and will fire daggers throughout the viewing experience.

Why do those plebs go on that show? Why?

The Flying Cow
08-02-2008, 09:44 PM
if it's two women you assume that the bloke couldn't be arsed going or being on the telly

Thus the above response.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 09:50 PM
On TV's "A Place in The Sun" or "Destination, Destination, Destination" if it's two women you assume that the bloke couldn't be arsed going or being on the telly, so she took he pal.

However if it's two blokes you just know it's a pair of the gays.

:lol:

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 09:52 PM
You watch wummums programs.

What the fuck.

They're for women to shout at men. Same as wife-swap.

For every fucking cawk you see in Wife-Swap, your missus can see that cunt in you and will fire daggers throughout the viewing experience.

Why do those plebs go on that show? Why?

Hoi, I watch Masterchef.

However American Chopper cancels it out.

I deploy the yin yang thing to my televisuals.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 09:55 PM
There was a health special on the other day on women's genitals. I couldn't work out whether it was for me or not so I didn't bother watching it :mellow:.

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 10:01 PM
There was a health special on the other day on women's genitals.

That's even more impressive than having a TV in your pants.

Well it's kind of the same thing but taking it way beyond the call.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 10:06 PM
Yes, it wasn't on for very long by all accounts :shifty:.

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 10:08 PM
Hey, it's your genitals.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 10:12 PM
I'm sure it wouldn't have told me anything I didn't already know :mellow:.

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 10:18 PM
I'm absolutely certain of that.

If you can graft a penis onto a mouse's back your knowledge is probly a bit higher than the level they were aiming at.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 10:33 PM
Now that's an idea! A mouse's penis or a man's though?

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 10:35 PM
No, even better idea.

Graft a mouse onto a penis.

Think of the possibilities.

This should really be in your "Coming in my pants" thread.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 10:39 PM
I can only think of one possible buyer for a product like that and I'm pretty sure Richard Gere is heterosexual. :huh:

chalice
08-02-2008, 10:42 PM
I can only think of one possible buyer for a product like that and I'm pretty sure Richard Gere is heterosexual. :huh:

Tell that to all the hamsters he stuck up his sphincter.

Good luck with that.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 10:44 PM
I'm sure they were female hamsters!

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 10:45 PM
Thro' his sphincter, Shirley.

chalice
08-02-2008, 10:46 PM
Well that's alright then.

Female hamsters have smaller cawks when they're going up your rectum.

Something Else
08-02-2008, 10:47 PM
Through the sphincter, up the rectum.
That would be the medical description.

Something Else
08-02-2008, 10:48 PM
Past the starfish, up the cadbury canal in layman's terms.

chalice
08-02-2008, 10:50 PM
Past the starfish, up the cadbury canal in layman's terms.

You are so my doctor when I get the bad piles.

I want to feel your hippie fingers on my grapes.

Mate.

:)

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 10:51 PM
Thanks for clearing that up ben.

Something Else
08-02-2008, 10:59 PM
Past the starfish, up the cadbury canal in layman's terms.

You are so my doctor when I get the bad piles.

I want to feel your hippie fingers on my grapes.

Mate.

:)

I hear that a lot. :ermm:

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 11:13 PM
You are so my doctor when I get the bad piles.

I want to feel your hippie fingers on my grapes.

Mate.

:)

I hear that a lot. :ermm:

Blokes wanting you to stick your thumb up their arse :sick:

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 11:18 PM
Beggars can't be choosers :(

Something Else
08-02-2008, 11:19 PM
I hear that a lot. :ermm:

Blokes wanting you to stick your thumb up their arse :sick:

Yeah. It all started when...............

I'll leave that story for another day.

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 11:26 PM
Blokes wanting you to stick your thumb up their arse :sick:

Yeah. It all started when...............

I'll leave that story for another day.

I'm guessing it involves you sticking your thumb up a blokes arse.

Or indeed you having a thumb stuck up your arse.

Possibly your own, that ties the two themes together.

Something Else
08-02-2008, 11:30 PM
It involves a doctor, an exam and a bag of onions. I won't give anymore away.

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 11:31 PM
You paid the Doctor in onions.

Where were you at the thyme, France.

chalice
08-02-2008, 11:31 PM
Just for qualification's sake...

I didn't want to penetrate Benjamin's arse in any fashion.

If the patrons would take the time to read, then they would become factually aware that I only wanted my piles seen to by an expert ( should such an eventuality arise) and be comfortable in my (unforseeable) condition.

Longest setence ever contender ftw.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 11:35 PM
I'll have a look, but I'm going to need some garlic thrown in with the bag of onions :mellow:.

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 11:37 PM
I'll have a look, but I'm going to need some garlic thrown in with the bag of onions :mellow:.

That's a serious prolapse going on there.

You might want to consider some polyfilla as well.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 11:40 PM
Good point. I'm not sure how long Chalice has got though. For particularly large cracks you really ought to fill them gradually over a few days.

Mr JP Fugley
08-02-2008, 11:48 PM
Good point. I'm not sure how long Chalice has got though. For particularly large cracks you really ought to fill them gradually over a few days.

:lol: :earl:

Build it up like.

chalice
08-02-2008, 11:49 PM
Arse.

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 11:51 PM
If a job's worth doing :smilie4:.....

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 11:51 PM
If a job's worth doing :smilie4:.....

Something Else
08-02-2008, 11:53 PM
It's worth doing twice. :unsure:

Squeamous
08-02-2008, 11:53 PM
It only ever happens to me :cry:

Biggles
08-02-2008, 11:54 PM
It's worth doing twice. :unsure:

That is what Mulder says anyhoo.

Something Else
08-02-2008, 11:55 PM
It's worth doing twice. :unsure:

That is what Mulder says anyhoo.

Bob Marley said that too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB5xeiXKQhM

Squeamous
08-03-2008, 12:04 AM
Somehow that's just so appropriate :happy:

Skweeky
08-03-2008, 08:11 AM
I remember this one guy I used to go out with; he liked fngers up the bum.
He used to say he was gay at some point but never had anal sex. Only oral. Weird.

Mr JP Fugley
08-03-2008, 12:31 PM
He used to say he was gay at some point but never had anal sex. Only oral. Weird.

Was it Oscar Wilde.

Skweeky
08-03-2008, 01:46 PM
No, I don't think so.

Squeamous
08-03-2008, 09:24 PM
Loads of homosexual men don't do anal. Just like loads of homosexual women don't do penetration.

The Flying Cow
08-04-2008, 12:24 PM
What labia to labia, like?

:D

Squeamous
08-04-2008, 02:27 PM
Oh ye of little imagination :rolleyes:

:smilie4:

The Flying Cow
08-04-2008, 05:17 PM
Oh, fist fights, lyke?

Squeamous
08-04-2008, 06:35 PM
:pinch:

Skweeky
08-04-2008, 07:13 PM
Aye... but they've got no natural poker. :huh: