imnotanaddict
09-25-2003, 11:05 AM
>A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
>Unbeknownst to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her
>husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
>
>
> The boy now has company.
>
>Boy: "Dark in here."
>
>Man: "Yes it is."
>
>Boy: "I have a baseball."
>
>Man: "That's nice."
>
>Boy: "Want to buy it?"
>
>Man: "No, thanks."
>
>Boy: "My dad's outside."
>
>Man: "OK, how much?"
>
>Boy: "$250."
>
>
> In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover
>are in the closet together.
>
>Boy: "Dark in here."
>
>Man: "Yes, it is."
>
>Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
>
>Man: "How much?"
>
>Boy: "$750."
>
>Man: "Fine."
>
> A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
>Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I sold
>them."
>The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says,$1,000."
>The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
>That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
>church and make you confess."
>
>They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little
>boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in
>here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Duct Tape
Contrary to popular opinion it IS NOT good for fixing everything.
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He
walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted
to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to
ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great! says Jeff. "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd
get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my
leg, so if I did,
it wouldn't show."
"So I get to her door,"says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it
in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then? "
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)
"I kicked her in the face."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gay Bob goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says "Bob, I'm not going to beat around the bush.
You have AIDS."
Bob is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
"Eat 1 sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot
sauce,
10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts, 40 raw peanuts, 1/2 box of Grape
cereal,
and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Bob asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?" says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what
your ass is for."
>Unbeknownst to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her
>husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
>
>
> The boy now has company.
>
>Boy: "Dark in here."
>
>Man: "Yes it is."
>
>Boy: "I have a baseball."
>
>Man: "That's nice."
>
>Boy: "Want to buy it?"
>
>Man: "No, thanks."
>
>Boy: "My dad's outside."
>
>Man: "OK, how much?"
>
>Boy: "$250."
>
>
> In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover
>are in the closet together.
>
>Boy: "Dark in here."
>
>Man: "Yes, it is."
>
>Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
>
>Man: "How much?"
>
>Boy: "$750."
>
>Man: "Fine."
>
> A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
>Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I sold
>them."
>The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says,$1,000."
>The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
>That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
>church and make you confess."
>
>They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little
>boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in
>here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Duct Tape
Contrary to popular opinion it IS NOT good for fixing everything.
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He
walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted
to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to
ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great! says Jeff. "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd
get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my
leg, so if I did,
it wouldn't show."
"So I get to her door,"says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it
in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then? "
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)
"I kicked her in the face."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gay Bob goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says "Bob, I'm not going to beat around the bush.
You have AIDS."
Bob is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
"Eat 1 sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot
sauce,
10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts, 40 raw peanuts, 1/2 box of Grape
cereal,
and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Bob asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?" says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what
your ass is for."