View Full Version : Screw Work, Play Golf

11-12-2003, 07:35 AM
IN 1923, WHO WAS:

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the world's most successful
of their day. Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we
know what ultimately became of them.


1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson,
went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from
prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator! , Arthur Cooger, died abroad,

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also
committed suicide.

However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the
winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was
Gene Sarazen. What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure at the time of his death.

Do you know what happened in 1850?

California became a state. Back then, the state had no electricity,
no money, there were gun fights in the middle of the streets, and
almost everyone spoke Spanish. So it was just like California

Only back then the women had real breasts

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas.
This isn't for any religious constitutional reason.

They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
> After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
> The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting nervous On the
> pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
> nervous, I take a sip.”
> So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
> At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
> He proceeded to talk up a storm.
> Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note
> on the door:
> 1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
> 2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.
> 3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.
> 4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
> 5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
> 6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
> 7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
> the spook.
> 8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
> 9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say
> he was stoned off his ass.
> 10)We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
> 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and
> eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “ Eat me”
> 12)The Virgin Mary is not called “ Mary with the Cherry,.
> 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
> the grub, Yeah God.
> 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s not a
> peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
A sheriff in a small town walked out in the street and saw a blonde cowboy
coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his

So the sheriff arrested him for indecent exposure. As he was locking him
up he asked "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy said, "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the
road and this pretty little red head asked me to go out to her motor home
with her....and I did.

"We went inside and she pulled off her top and asked me to pull off my
shirt, .... so I did....

"Then she pulled off her skirt and asked me to pull off my pants... so I

"Then she pulled off her panties and asked me to pull off my shorts... So
I did...

"Then she got on the bed, looked at me kind of funny and said, Now go to
town cowboy....

"So here I am!"
A lady went into a bar in San Antonio and saw a cowboy with his feet
propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman
asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on
out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well,
thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah
services before."

The woman replied, "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself
some boots that fit."

11-12-2003, 10:20 AM
I love the one about the priest the best.

11-12-2003, 05:40 PM
lol nice 1 :D

11-12-2003, 08:48 PM
hey carbert,
did you workup your sig yourself? nice.