Worst Joke You Know

[Smith]

lol, thats so pathetic, it made me laugh

[chalice]

I went into a French restaurant.

I said I'll have the Soup De Jour.

The waiter said, "Oui, oui".

"Oi" I said,

Not in my dinner

[J'Pol]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs, in the sea.

bob

[chalice]

What did Hitler say before his men got into their tanks?

Get into those tanks, men.

[Cheese]

Originally posted by chalice@1 May 2004 - 21:14
What did Hitler say before his men got into their tanks?

Get into those tanks, men.
Why was he speaking english? :blink:

[chalice]

Originally posted by Withcheese+1 May 2004 - 22:15--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Withcheese @ 1 May 2004 - 22:15)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-chalice@1 May 2004 - 21:14
What did Hitler say before his men got into their tanks?

Get into those tanks, men.
Why was he speaking english? :blink: [/b][/quote]
He had Babel fish in his ear.

That&#39;s how he lost the war. He disappeared in a puff of logic. Or something.

[gungrave]

Originally posted by chalice@1 May 2004 - 22:14
What did Hitler say before his men got into their tanks?

Get into those tanks, men.
:lol: made my laugh
http://www.game-revolution.com/chatter/mailbag/hitler.jpg

[Cheese]

What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?


Both crews were marooned.

[Cheese]

Why do ducks have big flat feet?


To stamp out forest fires.

[gungrave]

http://filesharingtalk.com/uploads/av-63194.jpg
ROFL&#33;&#33;&#33; :lol:

[Mathea]

There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they&#39;re at death&#39;s door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a small tree off in the distance. As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There&#39;s smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. And the smell... oh, the glorious smell&#33;" "Look Pepe," says the first man. "It&#39;s a bacon tree&#33;" "You&#39;re right&#33;" says Pepe, "We&#39;re saved&#33;" Pepe doesn&#39;t wait another second. He runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But just as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there&#39;s the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe&#33;&#33; Pepe&#33;&#33; What on earth happened?" And with his dying breath Pepe calls back: "Ugh, run, run&#33;&#33; It&#39;s not a Bacon Tree after all..." "...its a ham bush&#33;"



What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast?
Surreal

Man goes into Docs and says "Doc, I think I&#39;m a pair of curtains" Doc says "Pull yourself together"

[gungrave]

2 much 2 read


http://abpni.serverbox.org/mike/New%20Folder/spam3.jpg

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by Withcheese@1 May 2004 - 23:21
What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?


Both crews were marooned.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Pupled, one would have thought.

[J'Pol]

What do you say to a man with no arms and legs if you need to know the time.

Have you got a watch on yer cock

[Rat Faced]

Where is Dracula&#39;s New York Home?

The Vampire State Building



How many Surrealists does it take to change a Lightbulb?

Fish

[Mathea]

Last night I dreamt I had written &#39;Lord Of The Rings&#39;. This morning I realised I&#39;d just been Tolkein in my sleep.

[gungrave]

great joke (http://www.griffinpark.com/portfolio/animation/media/GoofyBadJoke.mov)































not :ph34r:

[bujub22]

site lol (http://www.ifilm.com/viralvideo?ifilmid=2536042)


edit:first vid



great song ;) :lol: :lol:

[Rat Faced]

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.

See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10&#33;"

"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I&#39;m blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it&#39;s because you&#39;re blonde," her mother replied.

The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only
say it to D, but I said it to G.

See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G&#33;"

"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I&#39;m blonde, Mommy?"

Yes, pumpkin, it&#39;s because you&#39;re blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,Mommy," she
yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered,all the other girls had
flat chests, but I have these&#33;" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair
of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I&#39;m blonde, mommy?"

"No, it&#39;s because you&#39;re 25."

[J'Pol]

:groan:

[ziggyjuarez]

Originally posted by bujub22@1 May 2004 - 22:48
site lol (http://www.ifilm.com/viralvideo?ifilmid=2536042)


edit:first vid



great song ;) :lol: :lol:
:P that was so HOT

[brenda]

@ rat-faced that is hilarious :lol:

why do women get married in white

to match the kitchen appliances



Edit:

Closed Colour Tags

[J'Pol]

What&#39;s black and white and sits on a wall

Humpty Baseball Boot

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by brenda@1 May 2004 - 23:56
@ rat-faced that is hilarious :lol:

why do women get married in white

[COLOR=yellow]to match the kitchen appliances[COLOR=yellow]
Are you blonde at all

[Mathea]

Q: What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scot ?


A: Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud". A Scot says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe".

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by Mathea@1 May 2004 - 23:56
Q: What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scot ?


A: Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud". A Scot says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe".
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Bar Steward

[Rat Faced]

What have women and carpets got in common?

You Lay them once and can walk over them for years...













I&#39;ll get me Coat :ph34r:

[gungrave]

this is the best joke ever

u get it?

[Mathea]

10 things men know about women:

-------------------------------

1:

2:

3:

4:

5:

6:

7:

8:

9:

10: They have breasts

[Rat Faced]

How do you know when a woman&#39;s about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man one told me ...."

[NikkiD]

http://www.cains-cottage.co.uk/smileys/eyebrow.gif

[Rat Faced]

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over.

The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?"

"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"

"No," replied the policeman, "you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."

[DanB]

What&#39;s green and fluffy?

green fluff

[Mathea]

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. They&#39;re practicing to be men.

[Dubhguy]

What do you do if your lawnmower stops working?

Slap him.

or for the Gents, what do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Slap her

[DanB]

Why do women have small feet?

so they can stand closer to the cooker and sink


:ph34r:

[Rat Faced]

What&#39;s the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.








/me hopes NikkiD isnt still around :ph34r:

[J'Pol]

What&#39;s brown and sticky.

A Stick

[Chevy]

What&#39;s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

[Mathea]

What did God say after creating man?

I can do better

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by Chevy@2 May 2004 - 00:38
What&#39;s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.
:groan:

[NikkiD]

Originally posted by Rat Faced@1 May 2004 - 18:32
What&#39;s the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.








/me hopes NikkiD isnt still around :ph34r:
Actually RF, that&#39;s quite accurate. :lol:

Good thing I&#39;m not on my period. ;)

[Mathea]

Originally posted by Rat Faced@1 May 2004 - 23:10
How do you know when a woman&#39;s about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man one told me ...."

What&#39;s the smartest thing a man can say?


"My wife says..."

[gungrave]

Originally posted by J&#39;Pol+1 May 2004 - 23:46--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (J&#39;Pol @ 1 May 2004 - 23:46)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Chevy@2 May 2004 - 00:38
What&#39;s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.
:groan: [/b][/quote]
:ph34r: :farts:

[Rat Faced]

For all those Red Dwarf fans.....

Arnies Song (http://nikki.wgs.ca/ratfaced/Arnies%20Song.mpg)