A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The border official look s over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' into the small space labeled 'SEX'.
The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'."
"Doesn't matter," the tourist answers.
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Some aspiring psychiatrists from various colleges are attending their first class and the professor is lecturing on emotional extremes.
"Just as an example," says the professor to one student from a major urban university. "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," says the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asks of a young lady from an Ivy League college.
"Elation," says she.
"And you sir," he says to the young man from an agricultural institution, "how about the opposite of woe?"
The aggie replies, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
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Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.
"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first fellow. "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"
