Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "dumb ass" afterwards."
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Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
You ready for this??????
Answer: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of hares, and a dead fish no one can seem to find.
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A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
