How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
do more sit-ups
4. Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.
6. Wash hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake
wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your
wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in shower.
5. Wash face
6. Wash armpits.
7. Blow nose in your hands and let water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they
sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo hair.
12. Make shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain
was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife,
pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound
again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.
