At the prestigious university I attend, there is a clear hierarchy that outlines how long one was to wait for a class to begin if the professor were absent. A full professor rated fifteen minutes. An associate only ten. A mere instructor was expected to be on time, if not early. This system worked only one way, however; and students were afforded no such grace.
It was to be expected, therefore, that one professor, the foremost authority in his field by his own admission, would register distinct annoyance when the student, just out of military service, was late for class for the third morning running.
"Tell me," the professor began, "exactly what did they say in the Army when you sauntered in late like this?"
"Well," mused the unperturbed young man... "first they saluted, then they asked, 'How are you this morning, sir?'"
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A monk who's been sheltered all of his life has to travel to the big city to meet his friend, a Catholic nun.
On the streets of the city, he encounters a prostitute, who says: "Blowjob? Five dollars?"
"No, thank you!" the monk says, blushing.
He moves on to the next street corner, and another hooker asks him, "Blowjob? Five dollars."
He hurriedly rushes down the streets, but on each corner, there's a woman asking if he wants a blowjob. By the time he reaches the convent, he's very upset.
He asks his friend the nun, "Sister, what's a "blowjob?"
She smiles and replies: "Five dollars."
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Two truck drivers arrive in front of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS.
The first driver measures his truck and says, "Damn...3 .2 meters!"
The second one looks furtively around and says, "No police, anywhere. We can go!"
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A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Do me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."
On the next cloud was an even prettier lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered.
As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Just do me like crazy here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.
"Who are you?" the man asked.
"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"
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Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed North. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
