There was these two flies flying over a lake and they decided to fly down and get a drink. There were two fish in the lake.
One fish says "See those two flies, they're going to come down and get a drink, and we're going to get the flies".
There were two bears by the lake. One bear says "See those two flies? They're going to fly down and get a drink, the fish are going to jump up and get the flies, and we're going to get the fish".
There were two hunters behind a bush. One said "See those two flies? The flies are going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, and then we're going to shoot the bears".
There were two mice. One mouse says" See those two flies? They're going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, the hunters are going to shoot the bears and their cheese sandwiches are going to fall out of their pocket, and we're going to get the sandwiches".
There were two cats. One cat says "see those two flies? They're going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, the hunters are going to shoot the bears and their cheese sandwiches are going to fall out and the mice are going to get the sandwiches, then we are going to get the mice."
Sure enough the flies get a drink and the fish jump up and get the flies. The bears get the fish and the hunters shoot the bears. The cheese sandwiches fall out of their pockets and the mice get the sandwiches. The cats leap toward the mice and miss, ending up in the lake.
Know what the moral of the story is?
When the fly goes down, the pussy* gets wet!
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A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.
Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!"
Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!
He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"
"No", she said with a horrified look on her face.
"I'm your son's second grade teacher."
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A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
