Quote:
Personal Statement: Liam J. McBrien
Intended field of study: Computer science
I have been interested in computing ever since my brother taught me to program in BASIC at the age of 10. Since then, I have progressively become more and more experienced with the use of computers, to the point where I am now able to assemble and set up new PCs for my family and friends. Recently, I did some voluntary work for my school which involved repairing 40 old computers and setting them up with Microsoft Windows. This was extremely useful and enjoyable, as it gave me a lot of new experience in the maintenance of both hardware of software. Another school initiative which I participate in is the 6th years’ student council, of which I am the joint head.Expand this a bit more, sounds like an afterthought
I am very active outside of school, with a part-time job as a shop assistant and various social commitments, including participating in my local Amnesty International group and shooting with Glasgow’s longbow archery club, Green Hollow Bowmen. In the recent Scotland-wide championship series I ranked 3rd and also recorded the highest single score of the year. Archery is very demanding in terms of co-ordination and concentration (not to mention strength!), so it has greatly improved my ability to focus both mentally and physically on an activity.
Music is another of my passions, especially rock music – I like the cheerful, ‘live-life-to-the-fullest’ philosophy of rock. When playing, I prefer to accompany others – I play drums and rhythm guitar for both of my school’s bands; I find it very satisfying to play as part of a group.
When not out playing baseball or football with my friends I like to read, in particular science fiction and fantasy such as the works of Asimov, Tolkein and Pratchett. Computer gaming is another of my pastimes, in particular playing strategy and puzzle games with my friends or writing my own (simple) games. Much of my time is also dedicated to repairing, upgrading and maintaining my friends’ computers – if they actually paid me I’d classify it as a part-time job! Probably should have been linked to earlier the computer passage
Some suggestions (not necessarily correct) as to how Lamsey's PS might have been improved, although it is pretty good in the first place. I think the personal thrust of the statement is the important thing to notice, since that is the reader's primary point of interest.