America has no culture? Says who?
I'm sick and tired of people claiming that America has no "culture". That's completely untrue, America is full of culture. Sure, we don't have as much as other countries, such as Japan, but the simple fact that we dont eat cats (which is one of the few things we as Americans don't eat) shouldn't exclude us from culture altogether. Even if the culture of Native Americans doesn't count (it should, because we owned them so technically they are the same as us, right?) we still have plenty of it.
You are what you eat
If this is true (it's said a lot so it probably is), then America has culture like no other country. In fact, America really lives up to the name it aquired in the school house rock cartoon- The Great Mixing Pot (or something equally stereotypical and retarded). In this great nation you can pick up a phone, dial 7 numbers, and have the great cuisine of any country you so wish- but without any of that needless quality. An average American has probably had more Ethiopian food than the entire country of Ethiopia. Now that's what I call culture.
We're right because our bombs say we are
For all you doubters to the greatness of America's culture, let me tell you this- we will bomb you. If you do not grasp the concept of America's greatness, you probably belong on the axis of evil. If not, you better be willing to give us a lot of oil. Even the president says our culture is superb. Now I don't know about you, but I was always taught that the president is never wrong. America's culture is so great, so right, that we want other nations to adopt it. Forget for a second our extremely high crime rates and gun problems. Forget about the drugs. Everyone wants to be an American- thanks to our culture.
Less is more
Unless it's important stuff like guns or fast food
America has mastered the art of less is more, a very important part to our awesome culture. Clothes on women? Less is more. Welfare? Less is more. Social security? Less is more, and soon enough, none is most. Teachers and classrooms? You guessed it- less is more. However, some things just cannot be cut down on. Mcdonalds for example. Or guns. You can never have enough guns. Lawyers too- lawyers are among the best people alive.
You're stupid- you're probably a homosexual
Homophobia is a crucial part of America's culture. Unlike the rest of the world, we are so great we see homophobia as not a problem but something to embrace. Even our president is homophobic, so how can we be wrong?! As the saying goes, if two men are involved who has the vagina? You think about that, think long and hard. Actually, no, don't think. You're new at this so you might make some mistakes. Watch Fox news instead, if culture was a channel- it would be Fox news.
Who's more attractive- Jessica Alba or Winston Churchill?
In your fucking face, Great Britain.
If anything sums up our culture, it's NASCAR. Nobody can turn left better than us Americans. Nobody. Rubbin's racin' as they say, which is an apt metaphore for American culture in that in makes no sense. What other country has fans that get drunk, pile into stadiums, and watch southerns that are somewhat illiterate drive in circles for hours? No other country, that's for sure. Go play your panzy ass soccer, rest of the real world- we have NASCAR!
Number 3 never forget!!!
Spoiler: ShowI shouldn't have to say this, but I feel I have to. This is a satire thread. Anything said in this thread is for comedic value and nothing more. Yes I used stereotypes. If I offended you, go fuck yourself or fuck your girlfriend or fuck you mom, just don't post in this thread saying that I offended you. No, I don't agree with what's in this thread, it's all sarcasm. If you do agree with what's in this thread, then you may be a terrible human being. Thanks.
From SomethingAwful Forums.
I am American.