Yo, isn't time for you to let your fellow office mates know how come
you aren't married ????
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are
gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
rather you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your
free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a
gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has
a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get
your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come
to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any
such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
sucks bar-b-que ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled
pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El
Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in
a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high
hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with
milk) and full-aroma. A 'tang-eating man will never be heard
ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know
what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had Nutrasweet in your
mouth, you've had a dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your
ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all
of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major
league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you're
hungry for meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the sumbitch off. The rest of the
time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger,
hold his beer, grab the bi-atch in the passenger seat (whoever she
happens to be), or, if he's Latino, talk on his cellphone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,
vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of
the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags
when they flame out too quickly.