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Thread: Bush replaced by Gurvinder Singh.

  1. #1
    Yogi's Avatar Super Undulator
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    Feb 2003
    Just in from Roiter:

    Subject: Outsourcing is good for the USA.

    Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States
    of America will be outsourced to India as of October 30th, 2005.
    The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and
    also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead
    the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

    "We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
    significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with
    the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of
    American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the
    world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

    Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
    Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime. Gurvinder
    Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of
    President as of October 30th.

    Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
    vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.
    He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage
    or other benefits.

    It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
    responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
    between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few
    offices of the US Government will be open.

    "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express
    call center, "stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited
    about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

    A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
    aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should
    not be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with the issues either.
    Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
    effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he
    can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
    issues at all.

    "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
    "President Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Singh may have
    problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the "down home"
    persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the Katrina

    Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day
    of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for
    $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible
    for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

    Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
    help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
    According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
    position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at
    Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands
    and phony smile.

    Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National
    Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this
    option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before being
    sent to Iraq, a country he has visited.

    "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained
    invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's
    terminal and gift shop.

    Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception
    from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his
    arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

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  3. Lounge   -   #2
    S!X's Avatar L33T Member BT Rep: +5
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  4. Lounge   -   #3
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
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    May 2005
    burlington, Ontario
    Quote Originally Posted by Linkin Park


  5. Lounge   -   #4
    S!X's Avatar L33T Member BT Rep: +5
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    Quote Originally Posted by maebach
    Quote Originally Posted by Linkin Park

    So... ->

  6. Lounge   -   #5
    Mathea's Avatar The Blonde Alibi BT Rep: +5
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    Feb 2004


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