Its hit the fan again!

[sArA]

Those of you who know me, know that I have had quite a bit of trouble with my ex and how he treats the kids. The kids even stopped seeing him for a couple of months because they were so unhappy.

Anyway, it was smoothed over a bit and he started to have them every other weekend again...so far he has had them twice. During the periods between visits he has not made any effort to contact them or involve himself in their lives and the kids have indicated that they still feel he doesn't care about them.

On Wednesday morning I sent him an email saying that I was taking them out on Saturday night so could he just have them from Friday night to Saturday evening, asking him to confirm the arrangements.

We hear nothing and as the kids need to know whats happening and where they are sleeping with at least a bit of notice, we (stress on WE) decided that they would not be going this weekend.

This morning I received a phone call and I told him that as he has not bothered to contact them at all, that they won't be coming this weekend now...he aint happy.

I am now officially an evil, evil woman who is turning the kids against him and stopping him from seeing them for ever (I didn't say that). He thinks I should make them go as a matter of course, I think it should be up to them.

Why would I want put a stop to my horny weekends in bed with BF? Why would I want to have to pay for baby sitters if I want to pop to the pub? And how would I turn them against him if he was such a good dad?

The kids are not stupid they are 10 and 12 so not babies, they know their own minds and they know if they are being treated like shit.

I guess that there will be a pretty mixed response to this, but I just felt the need to get it off my chest.

[zedaxax]

He sounds like an irresponsible guy, or too laid back.
He most probably loves them very much, but is too chilled to get his ass in gear, especially since your doing al the work so he doesn't need to worry about it.
Disallowing (officailly?) him from seeing the kids, will maybe get his ass in gear and try to do something about seeing them?
It worked for a friend of mine....malakas

[Guillaume]

Yes, you are an evil woman... on-line.

Now, apart from your awful taste in bikes, I don't see what's wrong with you irl. Forcing them to go and see someone who will not care for them properly, now that would be evil.

[manker]

It's very tough on fathers in this situation. Every other weekend isn't enough, it must be difficult for him to maintain a relationship with the kids, especially with them being at the impressionable age they are.

He's done wrong by not making more of an effort but perhaps he simply feels awkward and doesn't know the right way to go about it. At every opportunity they should be reminded that Daddy still loves them very much and he left for reasons of a different nature. This should be instilled into them.

I'm not sure if there is a large distance in miles between the two domiciles but I really think every effort should be made to encourage (not force) the children to spend as much time as possible with their Dad.

They'll never get another one.

[sArA]

It's very tough on fathers in this situation. Every other weekend isn't enough, it must be difficult for him to maintain a relationship with the kids, especially with them being at the impressionable age they are.

He's done wrong by not making more of an effort but perhaps he simply feels awkward and doesn't know the right way to go about it. At every opportunity they should be reminded that Daddy still loves them very much and he left for reasons of a different nature. This should be instilled into them.

I'm not sure if there is a large distance in miles between the two domiciles but I really think every effort should be made to encourage (not force) the children to spend as much time as possible with their Dad.

They'll never get another one.

I agree, and have been doing exactly that for the 4 years we have been split. He lives about 1 mile away and has a car, mobile etc. I have tried to encourage him to take more of an active role in their lives but he never calls them. To be honest manker, I am getting fed up of making excuses for his behaviour. I have spent years trying to say to the kids that their dad loves them really despite his selfish and mean ways.

This is the man that told them that they can't expect time on their own with him, it was selfish of them to ask and that they were screwed up.... This is the man that told his daughter she ruined it for her mate when they entered a singing competition together and didn't win.... This is the man that said that he wouldn't buy them lunch during a day trip because he was buying dinner later, and that if they wanted a drink they would have to buy it themselves... This is the man that took them to McDonalds (which they hate) and made his daughter buy her own meal...This is the man that told them that he would only spend a tenner on them at Christmas because I had asked him to pay an extra 20 quid a month maintenance after having no increase for 4 years....and this is the man that upset his kids every time he has them to the point that my daughter is has put herself into voluntary councelling at school specifically to try and help herself to deal with his behaviour....and my son is scared to ask for both sweets and pop during a birthday treat to the cinema because his dad shouts at him if he does.

I ask you, would you want your son to be cared for by this man?

[manker]

It's very tough on fathers in this situation. Every other weekend isn't enough, it must be difficult for him to maintain a relationship with the kids, especially with them being at the impressionable age they are.

He's done wrong by not making more of an effort but perhaps he simply feels awkward and doesn't know the right way to go about it. At every opportunity they should be reminded that Daddy still loves them very much and he left for reasons of a different nature. This should be instilled into them.

I'm not sure if there is a large distance in miles between the two domiciles but I really think every effort should be made to encourage (not force) the children to spend as much time as possible with their Dad.

They'll never get another one.

I agree, and have been doing exactly that for the 4 years we have been split. He lives about 1 mile away and has a car, mobile etc. I have tried to encourage him to take more of an active role in their lives but he never calls them. To be honest manker, I am getting fed up of making excuses for his behaviour. I have spent years trying to say to the kids that their dad loves them really despite his selfish and mean ways.

This is the man that told them that they can't expect time on their own with him, it was selfish of them to ask and that they were screwed up.... This is the man that told his daughter she ruined it for her mate when they entered a singing competition together and didn't win.... This is the man that said that he wouldn't buy them lunch during a day trip because he was buying dinner later, and that if they wanted a drink they would have to buy it themselves... This is the man that took them to McDonalds (which they hate) and made his daughter buy her own meal...This is the man that told them that he would only spend a tenner on them at Christmas because I had asked him to pay an extra 20 quid a month maintenance after having no increase for 4 years....and this is the man that upset his kids every time he has them to the point that my daughter is has put herself into voluntary councelling at school specifically to try and help herself to deal with his behaviour....and my son is scared to ask for both sweets and pop during a birthday treat to the cinema because his dad shouts at him if he does.

I ask you, would you want your son to be cared for by this man?

Ah, no I wouldn't.

I can't know the specifics of what's happened and my post was only to put across a different view as I imagine that it's very difficult to live apart from your children.

I really don't have any advice, having never been in or known a situation similar to yours, but wish you the best in sorting it out - at least they've got a good Mum

[sArA]

Thanks manker.

I am not so much asking what I should do, just looking for a bit of support from me mates whilst I fight for the rights of my kids to be happy.

The responses so far have shown me who my friends are...thanks guys.

[Busyman]

Those of you who know me, know that I have had quite a bit of trouble with my ex and how he treats the kids. The kids even stopped seeing him for a couple of months because they were so unhappy.

Anyway, it was smoothed over a bit and he started to have them every other weekend again...so far he has had them twice. During the periods between visits he has not made any effort to contact them or involve himself in their lives and the kids have indicated that they still feel he doesn't care about them.

On Wednesday morning I sent him an email saying that I was taking them out on Saturday night so could he just have them from Friday night to Saturday evening, asking him to confirm the arrangements.

We hear nothing and as the kids need to know whats happening and where they are sleeping with at least a bit of notice, we (stress on WE) decided that they would not be going this weekend.

This morning I received a phone call and I told him that as he has not bothered to contact them at all, that they won't be coming this weekend now...he aint happy.

I am now officially an evil, evil woman who is turning the kids against him and stopping him from seeing them for ever (I didn't say that). He thinks I should make them go as a matter of course, I think it should be up to them.

Why would I want put a stop to my horny weekends in bed with BF? Why would I want to have to pay for baby sitters if I want to pop to the pub? And how would I turn them against him if he was such a good dad?

The kids are not stupid they are 10 and 12 so not babies, they know their own minds and they know if they are being treated like shit.

I guess that there will be a pretty mixed response to this, but I just felt the need to get it off my chest.

By this post he sounds like a dick who doesn't really wanna be "dad".

Do the kids have to see him, officiallyloike? If not, then fuck him.

I wouldn't say things to turn your kids against him. He seems to do it well all by his lonesome. You cut that shit out. He'll hang himself on his relationship with the kids and probably wake up when he gets older. He sounds selfish.
-----
That's funny, we sometimes send our daughter away to her grandma's (which is down the street) for weekend sex sessions....

[manker]

That's funny, we sometimes send our daughter away to her grandma's (which is down the street) for weekend sex sessions....

Sometimes using English in a improper manner can cause all sorts of misunderstandings.

[Busyman]

That's funny, we sometimes send our daughter away to her grandma's (which is down the street) for weekend sex sessions....

Sometimes using English in a improper manner can cause all sorts of misunderstandings.

I noticed that after I posted it and then said, "Awww fuck it!!"