FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon
in the private function room at the Grill House. There
will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small band playing traditional carols...feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit
at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be
done at that time; however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an
important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday
Party." The same policy applies to any other employees
who are not Christians or those still celebrating
Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table
... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a
table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous
anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are
allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is
too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a
little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that
December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan,
which forbids eating and drinking during daylight
hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps
the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until the end of the party- or else package everything
for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.
Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members
of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to
sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there
will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To
the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster
seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available
for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used
in the food we suggest for those people with high
blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh
fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot
supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*ucking Employees
DATE: October 05, 2003
RE: The F*%king Holiday Party
Vegetarian pr*cks I've had it with you people!!! We're
going to keep this party at the Grill House whether
you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your fu*cking salad
bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten
holiday! Drive drunk and die,
The Bi*ch from H*ELL!!!!!!!!
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis
a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your
cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided
to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
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I dont know why this made me think of that..
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