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Thread: Santa Off Prozac

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    In a State Of Confusion
    I know its past xmas, but this still cracks me up...

    Dear Santa,
    I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
    really, really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey

    Dear Joey,
    Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep; I'm gonna
    torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what
    to do with. Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
    mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love

    Dear Teddy,
    What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
    He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get
    you some nice Legos instead.

    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
    your reindeer outside the backdoor.
    Love Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the shit's and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
    want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice,
    Cuban cigar. Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, PLEASE! Jimmy

    Dear Jimmy,
    That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
    work up here. You're getting another sweater.

    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
    of my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash
    at the craps table. Hey YOU wanted to know!

    Dear Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
    Yer Friend, Billy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
    How 'bout I send you a fricken book so you can learn to read and write?
    giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
    and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

    I need more Pokemon cards, please! All my friends have more Pokemon
    cards than me. Please see what you can do.
    Love, Michelle

    Dear Michelle,
    It blows my fricken mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
    hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
    snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you
    something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."

    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, play station, a train, some G. I. Joe's, a dog, a
    drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?

    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sl
    like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your

    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love, Marky

    First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your

    whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
    low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your
    pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams! Santa

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    maebach's Avatar Team FST Captain
    Join Date
    May 2005
    burlington, Ontario
    sadly funny


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