I know its past xmas, but this still cracks me up...
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really, really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep; I'm gonna
torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what
to do with. Santa
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get
you some nice Legos instead.
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Milk gives me the shit's and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice,
Cuban cigar. Santa
I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, PLEASE! Jimmy
That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting another sweater.
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
of my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash
at the craps table. Hey YOU wanted to know!
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
Yer Friend, Billy
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
How 'bout I send you a fricken book so you can learn to read and write?
giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
I need more Pokemon cards, please! All my friends have more Pokemon
cards than me. Please see what you can do.
It blows my fricken mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you
something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
I want a new bike, play station, a train, some G. I. Joe's, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Do you see us when we're sl
like in the song?
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your
whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your
pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams! Santa