What does a woman of 40 have between her breasts that a woman of 20 doesn't?
A belly-button!
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Have you ever wondered why they don't treat pyromaniacs with anti-inflammatory drugs?
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A woman goes into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. She takes the first glass and pours the champagne down the back of her skirt.
The bartender looks amazed as she pours another glass and again tips it down her skirt back.
Finally, the bartender asks, "Why are you pouring your drinks down your skirt?"
"Well, " the woman replies, "I've just won the lottery and this is the only asshole I'm sharing it with."
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A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"
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Originally Posted by baccyman
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