When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter than men.............
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Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a twelve inch putt, his partner asked him what the problem was.
"It's the wife," said Maurie. "As you know, she's taken up golf, and since she's been playing she's cut my sex down to once a week."
"Well you should think yourself lucky," said his partner, "she's cut some of us out altogether."
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These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town.
They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth.
The Jewish men are dumbfounded. "My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think.
After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store, an old friend also fluent in Yiddish, "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"
The owner looks around and leans in so no one else will hear and says, "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."
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Originally Posted by baccyman
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