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Thread: Honey, Not Tonight

  1. #1
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Oh, please...
    Honey, Not Tonight

    I have never understood why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

    FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

    The passion starts to heat up, when she eventually said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep...

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

    We went out to a good lunch and then went shopping at a very big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

    She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.

    She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said "Let's get a pair for each outfit".

    We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

    Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

    I started to think she was testing me because she then asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her when I said, "That's fine, honey."

    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

    I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
    Barack Obama: Over-par on the golf course, sub-par everywhere else.

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Seedler's Avatar T__________________T
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