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Thread: Wet Fart - Hydrated Flatulation!

  1. #1


    it was,

    I think it was last night's BBQ + Cider

    Hydrated Flatulation (a.k.a Wet Fart)
    The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants, and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. You might not like this little bugger, but you feel right at home with it.

    other types of farts that one may endure....

    Beefy Fart
    Sounds loud, and will smell a bit like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog turd.

    Brewer Fart
    You try to push a brewer fart out, but it stays firmly lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that it is some form of gaseous landmark.

    Bunbuster Fart
    Sounds like a Beefy Fart, except much more sudden and much much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy. Leaves your asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.

    Compost Fart
    You know the compost heap that a gardener keeps at the bottom of the garden? Well if you jump on it you will have some idea of what a compost fart sounds and smells like. Do not attempt this one while you have company.

    Eggy Fart
    Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulfide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.

    Escape Pod Fart
    You think you got away with this one. You forced it out as silently as possible, and nobody heard. You take deep sniffs through your nose, as discreetly as possible. You smell nothing but your deodorant. Then 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everyone starts to cough and sputter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.

    GNL Fart
    Gambled 'n' lost. You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are, but realize tragically that this is much more than a fart...

    Growling Fart
    Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.

    Gunshot Fart
    Gunshot farts sound just like a gunshot. They are exceedingly rare. In fact they are so rare that most people don't know they even exist. One report says: "I have only witnessed one gunshot fart myself, my own, and almost scared the poop out of my girlfriend who was lying asleep beside me at the time. She thought it was a gunshot, and it was so named. A few others have referred to these rare creatures, so proving their existence.

    Not Now! (a.k.a Anal Control Fart)
    You feel the presence of a mighty fart, and are unable to release it due to your situation. Happens on first dates, at important meetings, and on other such inexcusable occasions. You clench your buttocks together so hard that you nearly give yourself a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends on a number of factors, but Sods law tends to win out in the end.

    On The Spot Fart
    You didn't even know it was there, but suddenly 'Brrmp'.

    Prelude To A Poopie
    You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You tense your buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.

    Present (a.k.a. 'Time I Wasn't Here' Fart)
    The type of fart which seems harmless, but then brings a small poopie as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet, and thank God you weren't in a business meeting when it happened. If you were in a business meeting of course, you're screwed.

    Silent but Deadly (SBD) Fart
    The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.

    Sphinctal Napalm
    Tends to occur a few hours after a hot curry. Never mind the smell, worry about the burning sensation and the nasty stain you know it must have left.

    Squeaky Fart
    Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.

    Stalker Fart
    Occurs when you leave the room to politely fart elsewhere, and save people the trouble of breathing your flatulent devils breath. You go back into the room, but LO! The foul nasal bombardment has followed you, and you are duly criticized for poor manners.

    Tandem Fart
    Tandem Farts are the worst smelling and longest lasting farts ever to be recorded. They are so named since they are the only fart that is detectable by the nose on a Tandem bicycle (bicycle built for two) as it is being pedaled. A tandem fart occurs when the captain of the bike farts and the stoker smells it. As you can imagine, the fart most be extremely strong to compete with the wind and to get to the stoker's nose. Extremely disgusting farts off of a tandem are sometimes called Tandem farts, but they can never be confirmed as true Tandem.

    Trouser Ripping Special
    Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby at the time will suffer hearing loss.

    Underwater Fart
    Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine of a nuclear sub. Can be smelled on rising to the surface, and experienced wind breakers will often catch the fart in an upturned jam jar, in order to set light to them.

    Windy Fart
    The sort of fart, which goes 'Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.

    Worrying Fart
    The kind that seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage matters become less sure, as it feels too solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at the next possible opportunity.

    Now all fresh again after my shower.

    The idiosyncratic syntax of riddles interests me

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  3. Lounge   -   #2
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    as long as it is released im satisfied

  4. Lounge   -   #3


    Quote Originally Posted by 100%
    as long as it is released im satisfied
    That's a Sophisticated satisfying Fart
    One who gets satifaction by doing the act of farting & is satisfied with the resulting Flatulation.

    Farting Nun Organ
    The idiosyncratic syntax of riddles interests me

  5. Lounge   -   #4
    CrabGirl's Avatar Sexpest
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    West Midlands
    I've never shat my pants whilst farting. I don't think my rectum is that slack.

    Must be a boy thing.
    This pump dispenses gasoline, a fossil fuel. People who believe fossils are not real should put something else in their tanks.


  6. Lounge   -   #5


    Quote Originally Posted by CrabGirl
    Must be a boy thing.
    it's BBQ & Cider mixed with black cherry yogurt,
    Try holding that all in mixed with wind. "Sorry"

    The idiosyncratic syntax of riddles interests me

  7. Lounge   -   #6
    Seedler's Avatar T__________________T
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    Oct 2005
    They had a similar "poopie list".
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