Think You've Heard It All?
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal.

It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50".

The next day someone stole it.
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialled is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . . . . . . .
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now First," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He though about it for some time before responding, "just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6!"
A Japanese man went to the eye doctor.
The optometrist said to the man, "Sir, I believe you have a cataract."

"Oh, no" replied the Japanese man. "I dwive a Rincon Continentaw."
I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her.
It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a pretty blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"

Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."

"Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."