Amy, a blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"
So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along long rows of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one..... right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains.
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away.
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Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked.
"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am."
"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"
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At the movie theater a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was frigging herself furiously.
He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so the man started fingering her like crazy. When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands.
Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly.
"Great," she said, "but these crabs are still itching."
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