A new priest at his first mass was so nervous, he could hardly speak. After the service, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor said, 'When I think I'll be nervous at the pulpit, I put vodka instead of water in my glass, and if I start to get nervous I take a sip.' So the next sunday, the new priest took his advice, and at the beginning of the service, he got nervous and took a drink. He spoke for a while, drank some, spoke some, drank some, and when he returned to his office he found a note on his door.
1. Sip the vodka don't gulp it.
2. There are ten commandments not twelve.
3. There are twelve disciples not ten.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not 'bet his ass'.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as 'the late J.C.'
7. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as ' daddy, junior and spooky.'
8. David slew Goliath he did not 'kick the shit out of him'
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey we don't say he was ' stoned off his ass.'
10. We do not refer to the cross as the ' big T'
11. When Jesus broke bread at the Last Supper, he said, 'Take this and eat, for it is my body.' He did not say, 'Eat me.'
12. The recommended grace before a meal is not ' Rubba-dub-dub, thanx for the grub, yay God!'
13. Moses parted the water at the Red sea he didn't pass water.
14 We don't refer to Judas as 'El Finko'
15. The Pope is consecrated, not castrated