After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed, he begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."
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One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest prostitute in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 on her.
The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has the crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before.
He notices the same hooker on the street corner so he marches over and says, "You gave me the crabs!"
The hooker replies, "What did you expect for $10, lobster?"
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Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, now living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic.. and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism.
After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."
Boudreaux's neighbors w ere greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched.
There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish."
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This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, "Where are you going?"
He said "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said "Why? Are you sick?"
"No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said "Where are you going?"
She said "I"m going to the doctor, too."
He said "Why?"
She said "If you"re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot!"
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I miss the days of random nut '03
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