Ok lemme guess, already done playing Barnyard? Who isn't,
what a pile of shit! Damn and we also lost Gothic 3, life sucks.
But here is the game you all been waiting for!! (not)
DARK MESSIAH OF MIGHT & MAGIC by UBISOFT
Ok, fucking awesome game, it's a so called First-Person Action RPG!
No, not an 'RPG' like the ones who they use at war, those are cool.
'RPG' games are for people with NO LIFE AT ALL. Like WOW, that's
some RPG for lowlife nerds who are spending days (orly, yrly!) on
making a character grow in its world. So this is basicly the same
shit, but then offline, yeay!
This game features 'quests' where nerds can discover new things
which also excist in real life, such as a vagina, orgasms, and
other lowlifes inside the game.
Nerd behind the computer says:
'OMG WTF!!!)@)! is a VAGINA? ORGASM? LOWLIFES?'
Little lesson for our friendly nerd behind the computer:
Ok here it is, you ARE a lowlife, DONT have a vagina, and your
sort of people's word for an ORASM is 'monsterkill'. Yes, that's
right, a monsterkill will be the most close-to-real-sexual-orgasm-experience
the avarage game nerd will ever get.
So back to the game, you'll develop a character in single player,
and upgrade skills, like 'fighting' skills! HOWEVER! PLEASE DO NOT
TRY THESE FIGHTING SKILLS IN REAL LIFE SINCE POOR GAMER NERDS _WILL_
LOSE EVERY FIGHT THEY GET IN TO!
Ok when you totally 'pwned' the single player of this game, it's
time for a more sexual experience, ONLINE MODE. Now you can
enjoy this game in an oral way using teamspeak while 'monsterkilling'
one another. Example of what you will hear on teamspeak:
'OMFG OMFG LOSER!! N00B!!! YOU GOT PWNED!! CHEAT0R OMG !!@#! WOW
MONSTERKILL WOWOWOW I'M SO LEET! WOW GUYS CHECK THIS OUT, I'M PISSING
WHITE SHIT HERE'
Few minuts later... the pro-gamer is crying behind his teamspeak
'OMG I GOT KILLED FFS FUCK NOOB GRRR DIE!!! FUCK CANT SEE SHIT
HERE FFS, OMFG ENTIRE SCREEN COVERED IN WHITE SHIT FFS FFS'
Ok, now you know what an orgasm looks like for normal people.
Normal people most often get orgasms of fucking someone else of
the different sex. However, gamer-nerds will never get such experience.
You know what you are...
Don't wanna get your entire monitor covered in shit, or be called
a lowlife or gamenerd? Simple solution: stop playing games, and sure
as hell DONT leech this game, it's dangerous. You'll never get laid
(again) if you leech it.