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Thread: Create a Great blog in 5 easy steps...

  1. #1
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    warning : sarcasm ahead.

    Create a GREAT blog in 5 easy steps

    In no time you will become so famous that people will recognize you on the streets and run up to you and ask you to sign their face.

    Step One: think of a title

    The best way to do this is to scan a dictionary for two polysyllabic ("big") words and put them together. Remember, it's not important that you understand entirely what they mean or if they make any sense when paired together. These are all perfectly acceptable titles:

    Lucid Manifestations
    Paradoxical Conundrum
    Illicit Meanderings
    Obfuscated Verisimilitude
    Effervescent Redundancy
    Zarathustra Pugilism

    This will impress readers and make them think you are deep and thoughtful.

    If you cannot find any good words, you can always settle with equally impressive titles such as "a Working Mommy's Blog", or "my thoughts on life etc".

    Step Two: think of a description

    Use a bland sentence fragment that gives your audience the idea that this blog belongs to you and contains your thoughts and/or opinions on stuff and/or things. You can use this template to design your own:

    "Ramblings and ponderings of a [insert occupation] from [insert city]."

    Step Three: choose a default layout from your free blogging software

    If you've seen the same layout at dozens of other blogs it's because it's a really good one and you should use it as well.

    Step Four: add pictures

    Pictures are a key component to any great blog and you should add as many as you can. Pictures of your dog laying on the floor or of your cat doing something stupid will do nicely. It is also a great idea to add pictures of sunsets that you took on your last vacation -- ten or so per sunset -- each one with slightly different magnification and with the horizon slightly crooked at a different angle. Everyone loves pictures of sunsets.

    It is also important to have a caricature of what you'd look like if you were on TV's South Park, or, if you're female, a picture of a busty anime slut dressed as a dominatrix, cat, or vampire.

    If you have children you should include many pictures of them doing such things as running thru the sprinkler naked, making pouty faces, sitting on a little toilet, or making a big mess while eating spaghetti. Include their full names on the blog posts so that archives and search engine caches will display these images every time in the future a potential employer or date googles their name. Remember, it is every child's unstated wish that they become a celebrity on their parents' blog. This will in no way harm them psychologically when they are older.

    Step Five: start posting

    Add a new blog post every one to fifty days. It can be about anything you want! Tell the world that you like George W. Bush or that you hate George W. Bush or that you have no strong opinion either way. State what you did today or yesterday and what kind of mood you are in. Plug pyramid schemes to gain referrals. Link to your friend's blog posts.

    Use YouTube videos to eliminate the need to produce any content of your own, making your blog resemble 10 small TV sets stacked on top of one another, each playing a short clip of something you think is funny. Remember blogging is easy; if you put any work into it, you put too much work into it!

    Take advantage of all the dorky blog widgets, such as TagClouds, Blogrolls, things that let you vote on how great your blog is, and counters that display the country of origin of the last 50 visitors. The more items that appear on the screen, the better your blog is. This is an indisputable fact.

    If you don't get many visitors you should start complaining that there are too many blogs nowadays that nobody has the time to read excellent blogs like yours. You might also mention that you've become disillusioned with the "blogosphere" lately.

    Using puns that contain the word "blog" in them will show how savvy you are and set you apart from other bloggers. Call your blog "blogtastic" and "bloggerific". This is not annoying in the least.

    Congratulations. you have just created a great blog!

    from here

    Last edited by 100%; 10-29-2006 at 10:29 PM.

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  3. Internet, Programming and Graphics   -   #2
    tesco's Avatar FST Programmer
    Join Date
    Aug 2003

    This should be in funny stuff.

  4. Internet, Programming and Graphics   -   #3
    Kruger's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +9BT Rep +9
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Yeah, it's funny, but it's also true


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