Yes, the new one is out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're a redneck when......
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench .
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
The day after a woman lost her husband in a scuba diving accident, she was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at her door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mrs. Watkins, but we have some information about your husband."
"Please! Tell me," the woman said.
The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mrs. Watkins said, "Oh, give me the bad news first."
So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you, ma'am, but this morning we found your husband's body in San Francisco Bay."
"Oh my god!" said Mrs. Watkins, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, she asked, "What's the good news?"
"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled him up he had two five pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on him."
"If that's the good news than what's the great news?" Mrs. Watkins implored.
The policeman said, "We're going to pull him up again tomorrow morning."