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Thread: Blonde Jokes

  1. #1
    OK im going to be posting blonde jokes here and you can too!

    There this blonde whos walking by a lake and she sees another blonde on the other side. Wondereing how to get to the other side she calls out,"Hey you over there, how do you get to the other side?" the blonde replys,"You are on the other side!"

    Theres a blonde a American and a Russian. The russian brags,"We were the first in space" and the american says,"Oh yeah? Well we were the first on the moon!" The blonde says," Well get this I'm going to be the first one on the sun!" The American and the Russian both give her a puzzled expression and the American says,"Hey stupid you can't go near the sun it will burn you up before you can even touch it." The blonde replys,"No duh! Thats why I'm going at night!"

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    jakert50's Avatar Poster
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Menomonee Falls, WI
    How do you get a one-handed blonde to fall out of a tree?

    Wave at her!!

  4. Funny S**t   -   #3
    During the French Revolution, 3 men were found to be guilty of sedition ... and all were sentenced to death by beheading on the guillotine. One man was a priest, one man was a drunkard, and one man was a blonde engineer. The priest went up the stairs first. The executioner asked, "What'll it be, then? Face up or face down?" The priest replied, "Let me be facing upward so I may see God when I die." So, the executioner positioned him face up and pulled the handle. The blade came down but stopped inches away from the priest's neck. As was the custom during that time, a guillotine malfunction was considered an "omen" of God ... and a prisoner was always set free. So, the priest was set free.

    Next came the drunkard. "What'll it be, then," asked the executioner, "face up or face down?" The drunkard replied, "Well, if it's good 'nuff fer da priest, ssssgood 'nuff fer me." So, the executioner positioned him face up and pulled the handle. Again, the blade came down but stopped inches away from the drunkard's neck ... and the drunkard was set free.

    Then came the blonde engineer. "Face up is OK with me, too," said the blonde. So, the executioner positioned him face up. But, just before he pulled the handle, the blonde engineer started laughing. "What's so funny?" asked the executioner. The blonde engineer pointed upward to the blade track and replied, "You stupid idiots!!! There's the problem right there!!!"

  5. Funny S**t   -   #4
    This joke is being retold to fit this thread topic...

    After a long journey in search of the Almighty, 3 men, including a blond, stand at a cliff. The Almighty appears before them and offers to reward them for their journey. He says, "Take a leap of faith off of this cliff and whatever you utter you shall become."

    The first man takes a running jump and shouts, "an eagle, so I can soar amongst the heavens." He becomes an eagle and flies off.

    The second man followes with a running start and yells, "make me an owl so I may have eternal wisdom." He turns into an owl and flies off.

    The blond man, running toward the cliff, trips over a rock and exclaims. "Oh, Shit!"

  6. Funny S**t   -   #5
    DarthInsinuate's Avatar Died in battle
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Arkham Asylum

    The Sexay Half Of ABBA And Max: Freelance Plants

  7. Funny S**t   -   #6
    One day, a blonde woman becomes so disgusted with all the blonde jokes being told in her office that she asks her boss for the rest of the day off. Her boss gives her the go-ahead. So, she goes home and decides to go out for a nice drive in the country. But first, she dyes her hair brown to make certain she doesn't become a subject of ridicule wherever she decides to go. On her drive, she stops here and there and no one teases her. And, this makes her upbeat. So, she continues her drive.

    Passing by a field of grass, she notices a shepherd tending his flock of sheep. She pulls over to the side of the road, goes up to the fence and watches. The shepherd sees her and waves, coming over to her for a rest and some conversation.

    "Those are some very beautiful sheep," says the blonde. "I wish I could take one home with me."

    "Tell you what," replied the shepherd. "If you can guess how many sheep I have in my flock ... say, within 5 ... I'll let you take your pick."

    The blonde gazes at the flock for a few seconds and says, "Well, I'd say you have 232 sheep in your flock."

    "Wow!" the shepherd exclaimed. "You're only one off the total, that's amazing! Well, go ahead ... pick your sheep."

    "Do you see that one with the fluffy head ... that's the one I want," the blonde replied.

    The shepherd goes and gets the animal but says to the blonde, "Say, would you mind if we do another bet?"

    "No, go ahead."

    The shepherd asks, "If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my sheepdog back?"

  8. Funny S**t   -   #7
    Tikibonbon's Avatar It'll Get Ya Drunk!
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Austin, Tx...ya'll
    how do you drown a blonde?....put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool

  9. Funny S**t   -   #8
    TheDave's Avatar n00b
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    yorkshire, england
    three blondes stranded on an island

    they find a magic lamp and one of them rubs it. the genie says "i will grant you all one wish each"

    the first blonde says "i wanna be smart so i can get off this island" she turns into a brunette, learns to swim and swims back to the main land

    the second one says "i wanna be smarter her and get off the island" she turns into a redhead and builds a raft

    the third on says "i wanna be smarter than both of them put together" she turns into a man and walks over the bridge

    :teehee: =]

  10. Funny S**t   -   #9
    Two blondes stand opposite one another on different sides of a raging river. One of them looks for a way to cross and yells to the other, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The other blonde yells back, "You stupid idiot. You ARE on the other side."

  11. Funny S**t   -   #10
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Oh, please...
    Originally posted by Riddler@15 June 2003 - 19:09
    Apparently based on a true story.........
    Barack Obama: Over-par on the golf course, sub-par everywhere else.


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