~47's Guide to Life~
Chinese men who run "secretive places" smoke borrito size joints before greeting each customer..."mmaaay I tauke yo breeefcaaase.?" (Blood Money)
-- All glass bottles are invincible, be it shot or dropped. (Blood Money)
-- All skinny women have enormous breast implants. (Blood Money)
-- Crawling around in a stealthy manner causes nearly anyone in the world to question such an act, including some of your targets. (Blood Money)
Sons of pornagraphy tycoons are very insecure. "Guards arn't so tough...I can kick their asses!" ("You Better Watch Out". Blood Money)
Glass bottom hot-tubs are normally placed several hundred feet above the ground below. (You Better Watch Out". Blood Money)
Red-necks near an alligator shoot-out, understand if a complete strange accidentally opens fire indoors, but will only give him EXACTLY 3 strikes before telling him to lea....uhh...killing him imediately. (Blood Money. Till Death Due us Part)
Most Italian men do not have a penis, but instead, a large thumb (with a thumbnail) and a hole on the tip. Scientists have yet to prove if the "thumb" is connected to the hand and merely becomes erect before urination or connected to the pelvis. (Ahnema - Hitman 2)
Everyone watches the same football game over and over for an eternity. (blood money) ...second down...nine...blah blah
Guards immediately draw their weapon when they see you trying to pick a lock. Playing around and pretending to pick the lock several times legally gives them the right to open fire till the point of your demise.
Getting too close to a guard that's trying to kill you will cause him to slap you like a little girl with a gun in mass confusion. No one teaches face to face close combat in "Guard School". (Blood Money)
-- Normally, Hammers are designed for fatal submersion into the back of a human skull, if not thrown into it. (Curtains Down, Blood Money)
-- The only way to unlock a bathroom stall is to pick it using advanced techniques, that of a hitman. It is impossible to merely use your finger on the latch! (Murder of the Crows, Blood Money)
-- Picking the lock of a bathroom stall causes those waiting in line to flee the scene in terror. (Murder of the Crows, Blood Money)
-- All wives, when heard on the otherside of a teliphone conversation, sound like a man doing a ridicious impression of a wife over the phone. (1rst Mission, Blood Money )
-- All rap consists of repetitive phrases and looping beats, such as "Aui't Moah Fuuhca" and "Check-Chek-Chek--..." (need I give my source?)
-- Sedating Someone and Changing into their clothes makes it impossible for guards to awaken them in, because the sedated person only consists of his underwear. (too embarressing...anyone knows that! Blood Money)
-- Hitman are extremely homophonic and will not dare change into a females clothing. (Blood Money)
-- Everyone in the entire world makes the same exact grunt when you shove them. (Blood Money)
-- Shooting someone with a nail-gun anywhere besides the forehead will not kill them in a million shots! (Blood Money)
-- Turning off the lights 10-15 times in front of a annoyed guard automatically qualifies him to open fire on you. (Pro Mode - Curtains Down - Blood Money...got it to work twice on that level-funny as hell)
-- Hitman apparently enjoy "it" in the "back", if you know what I mean... (Ending Cenimatic with Chinese Man...Blood Money)
Armed security personnel show incredible dedication to their work by running en masse to their deaths, in a vague and pointless attempt to avenge their employer’s murder.
Your suit can conceal an unlimited amount of pistols and knives without showing any signs of bulkiness that could reveal the hidden weapons inside the jacket.
Running indoors is not permitted and doing so will result in being shot at by trigger happy henchmen.
The best time to sneak up behind guards and knife them/strangle them is while they are taking a piss (what a horrible way to die).
To avoid potential death, do not repeat the same actions every five minutes.
When in Mississippi, no one cares if you’re armed and/or shooting alligators.
If you're on a mission in Arabia and need a good disguise, wear a turban. Um, and try to sound Arabian. And, um, try not to look like a 6'2'', 200lb Irishman.
As much as it may seem noticeable or incriminating, guards and civilians don't seem to take much notice to the giant barcode tattoo on the back of your head.
While puppies are adorable, they will still rat you out for shooting their owner in the face.
On all missions, smile, be friendly, and try to look like you couldn't (or don't want to) kill every single person in the *beep*ing room.
Pizza delivery boys, postmen, waiters, firemen, computer programmers, Arabian citizens, priests, doctors, and chefs do not carry guns, so when you disguised as one, take the necessary precautions.
Never, ever, ever trust women.
Other languages are extremely limited. In fact, all non-English speakers are restricted to three phrases, two or which are ususally 'What are you doing here?' and 'Stop! Intruder!'
All young women have nice breasts.
Security guards don't suspect you when they see you exiting an elevator that has a dead body laying on the floor.
Anyone can handle all kinds of firearms properly and fire with perfect accuracy. (In Blood Money civilians pick up weapons from the floor and use them on you)
AMT Hardballers represent the finest killing instruments known to man.
A niper rifle assembled hastily from components in a briefcase will lose no accuracy whatsoever compared to a carefully tuned example.
When sniping, you can only really miss if you have bad timing.
Carrying a child's severed arm through a security checkpoint is not only normal, but encouraged.
An M60 machine-gun is no encumbrance to normal movement.
Non-metal wire makes a metallic VWING when pulled taught.
You can buy fold-up keyring-size lockpicks
Digital mapping software is so advanced that it can process the location, bearing and speed of 50+ people at once in real time, inside a building.
Having 47 chromosomes, far from being the cause of Down's syndrome "conventional" science would have you believe, is in fact the route to genetic perfection.
A skilled disguise artist who happens to be bald will never wear a wig, nor vary his attire from one horrendous act of sadistic murder to the next.
NEVER trust a priest
NEVER trust a Russian
The Mafia are exactly like the film "The Godfather"
Asphyxiating a grown man with wire takes less than 10 seconds, regardless of how long they can hold their breath
All men are the same size in terms of clothing
Japanese crime lords, far from living discreetly, have castles and ninja.
The same "General Unpleasantness" alarm can be heard anywhere on Earth if you commit a violent crime and are detected.
Cops shoot people if they get in the way. Literally.
no matter what location your mission is in the united states when "GET OUTTA HERE BUDDY, THERE'S GONNA BE TROUBLE" is said it comes out in a southern accent.
while body gaurds are under fire they still pause to listen to their ear piece.
the caterer wont be frisked for weapons unless you are the caterer (new life)
you can beat up women to kill a man who beat up women (you better watch out)
you can still be threatening in a red bird costume with yellow leggins.
lousiana ferry boat captains are gay.
garbage men, civilian gardeners and jogger can come into a fbi survellienced house to see who got killed.
shotguns can be silenced with scopes.
lousiana navy boat captains are gay.
Civilians won't care much if you suddenly climb into the elevator shaft.
Big Bird works for clones and carries guns.
Civilians will continue to dance like an idiot despite the fact you've massacred everyone nearby.
You will die if you fall into a swimming pool, regardless of swimming ability.
You can stab, throat-slit, dig cleavers into peoples' heads and shears into their backs but there won't be any
marks, yet people will be burnt to a skeleton when on fire.
You should never trust fat shiekhs.
Gangstaz work at abandoned amusement parks.
No-one will care much if they hear an explosion and suddenly see a bald man in a tuxedo with a barcode tattoo in the
back of his head running away.
No-one will care if the opera's workman suddenly looks completely different.
If you push someone at a wedding, people will shoot the **** out of you. Furthermore, if a partygoer punches you so
much that you die, no-one will bat an eyelid.
FBI agents always look like each other.
The White House's security is not much heavier than a porn tycoon's.
Civilians will continue to dance like an idiot despite the fact you've massacred everyone nearby.
In the event of a Fire in a Casino 100% of the workers/security/henchmen will die a painfull and fiery death while
turing in circles infront of the Elevators.
If you drop a penny in the White House you will be shot at with no hesitation.
Pushing old men dressed as birds over balconies is hilarious.
Phychiatrists will introduce themselves to you everytime they see you (Flatline)
Security guards cannot see patients heads sticking up over the top of dumpsters (flatline)
No one will mind if you enter a jucuzzi fully clothed and stand directly in front of naked women.
You can undress a sleeping man without disturbing him.
Police will gun down innocent civilians if they get in the way. (Murder of Crows)
No one will suspect a thing if they see someone eaten by a shark, infact they will cheer in approval.
Rats can play poker, serve cheese, Smoke cigars and box each other. (Curtains down)
All Mental Asylums have at least one mini gun (Aftermath)
Little black dogs can stop the worlds greatest assassin in his tracks
Santa Claus is a drunk
Prostitutes cannot leap from one balcony to another
Police and security will let you go if you hand over your machinegun's, pistols, knifes, syringes, fibre wire and
mines, and will not question why a civilian had these items in the first place.
Blowpipes and a cheehtah will kill a trained assasin with guns 9 times out of 10
People can´t get out of a funeral unless it´s over, or they get killed (Requiem)
An asassin´s only friend is his parakeet (Hideout)
Asassins always take their victims expensive weapons as souvenirs
Men who go to the Opera with their bodyguards are gay (Courtains Down)
Security workers will always sprint like in a marathon, no matter how close their destination is
If you kill someone in the Mardi Gras parade, only authorities will notice (The Murder of Crows)
No matter where you leave your personal belongings, the agency will always care for them and get them back to you
for a price
Newspapers in Chile are in English (A Vintage Year)
The police will always guess your murder weapon no matter how odd it is, and they can even tell if it´s customized
Cops around the world, they all dress the same
Almost everything can become a murder weapon, you just need some creativity
No matter how much you twist an uncunscius person´s arm or leg while dragging them, it´ll never break
When you drop a coin nobody will take it
Civilians always know what a RU-AP Mine looks like
People won´t mind if a laser is being pointed at them
No matter what, if you get killed, you´ll always have a few seconds in slow-motion before you die so you can take
Bones liquify at the instant of unconciousness/death.
-When you're white, bald and over 6'0", it sends security forces the world over the message that you're fluent, and
should therefore be addressed, in english. Because we all know you couldn't possibly be Russian or anything.
-Telling people "I'm new" is the most strategically sound way to setup a hit. (The Massacre at Cheng Chau Fish
-As opposed to pushing someone down a flight of stairs, pushing someone up does not break their neck. However, it
does manage to piss them off.
-All witnesses have the mental constitution to run to the nearest authorities, and would never
freeze-up/break-down/curl-up-into-the-fetal-position after they saw you pull a butcher's knife out of the back of a
-Dentists are the most diabolical terrorists of all. (Traditions of the Trade)
- Area restrictions do not apply to common folk, only bald men in suits.
- All assassination scoops are written over same template.
- Taking someone's best friends clothes makes you his best friend.
- Wherever you go, whenever you go - There's always something shady going on.
- Guards are not interested about the contents of your foil padded suitcase.
- If a man dressed as chef holds a kitchen knife in kitchen, he is shot at.
- Uninvited visitor standing next to mysteriously broken security camera raises no suspicion.
- Tresspasser is first ordered to leave the area, then shot to back.
- Heart penetrating sniper shot from 500 yards is considered unprofessional.
- Professional hitman never picks up ejected casings.
- Everyone repeats the same routine from dusk till dawn, if they do not interfere with bald man's motives.
- Hotel security can tell you what floor you're staying in, without looking at your keycard.
- Rednecks fire their guns in celebration. If you do, they fire at you.
If you are in need of a disguise don't worry, absolutely everyone has the exact same measurements as you so it will
always be a perfect fit.
-Not as obvious as some of the others but on your first attempt at making fugu you can correctly identify and cut
out the poisonous organ with the greatest of ease.
A hitman can carry more change than a homeless person, yet still be whisper quiet when sneaking
When caught in a gun fight with someone dressed in the same outfit as you, authorities just arriving on the scene
will always prefer to take the side of and help out a man with hair. Life just isn't fair [[sad]]
Bullet holes and stains will disappear from a piece of apparel once a hitman puts it on
You should never stand under pianos suspended in the air by a piece of rope [[none]] Even the roadrunner could tell
You should never trust a giant bird, especially during mardi gras
Two bullets to the head doesn't seem to kill a severely disabled man in a wheelchair
Reporters have terrible haircuts
An outdoor knife sighting will transform a stumbling drunk man who struggles to urinate into Michael Johnson
Every single piece of clothing is a "one size fits all" outfit.
Even if you kill someone with no traceable evidence as to who did the killing, the bald guy always gets the balme.
Example: posion someone's food and sit back to watch your handywork and the gaurds KNOW you are the one that added
the poision with no evidence at all.
Fibrewire does not set off metal detectors, even though the handles are made out of metal.
Guards, targets and civs always walk in the exact SAME pattern over and over and over.
Garbagemen collect garbage from the same 2 houses even if left for hours and hours.
Hit someone on the legs twice with a baseball bat and they die.
Even an experienced hitman with many hits under his belt can not hold a sniper rifle steady.
Throw a coin to create a diversion and the guards will stand there for AGES scratching their heads trying to work
out what the noise was and where that coin came from that was not there 2 seconds ago, instead of realizing it was a
diversion after only 5 seconds and turn around.
Everyone wears the same colour underwear.
Get disguised as a chef and pick up a knife, if anyone sees you they will call a guard. Cos a chef holding a kinfe
is a suspicious sight.
Does not matter what clothing you wear, the fact your features are VASTLY different (and sometimes even skin colour)
from the guy you stole the clothes does not alert the guards.
You can stand in the rain and snow for ever...and not get wet.
When asked to leave an area, you only get 3 seconds before you get shot.
When dressed in white camouflage in a snow storm while moving in between trees covered in snow. A sniper can see you
clear as day from over 200 ft away...and shoot you...even though you could be one of their own men.
Injecting a sausage with poison and giving it to a dog is wonderful entertainment.
At Mardi Gras you can gun down hundreds of people and the rest will still be handing out beads (murder of crows)
Stripping some off his clothes and then wearing them takes only a few seconds.
Security guards and cops can recognize you through masks.(meat king's party,dance with the devil)
Noone ever gets arrested by cops.Instead, gets shot.
Removing from a burnt corpse floating on a pool its necklace, is normal.(a new life)
Armed security does not trigger metal detectors. Unless it's bald with barcode on the back of the head.
Wearing a ninja suit disguize in the middle of a snowstorm, doesn't prevent snipers from identifying you and killing
you,even if they stand on a tower 500ft away.(hitman 2)
Civilian carrying baseball bats/golf clubs,chefs carrying knives/cleavers,workers carrying nailguns/hammers get shot
by security guards.Unless they are not bald.
Every time you pick up a meat cleaver or hedge trimmers in real life, you will let out a little giggle
Ether on panties... nuff said (a new life)
Theres alcohol EVERYWHERE in rehab clinics
People on railings and boats during mardi gras are invincible
You have issues if you start a level, but cannot kill anyone until you find the the most mentally unstable suit
possible (Its great to play the 'YOU BETTER WATCH OUT...' mission while listening to Weird Als 'The Night Santa Went
if you shoot someone in the back of the head while playing cello, guards wont check to see why the music has
suddently stopped (a vintage year)
When killing a former amusement park tycoon, its satisfying to take one of their personal posessions, like a
baseball bat, and beat them senseless with it.
You can put meat cleavers thrugh the heads of partygoers, but cant help but feel a little guilty when emptying a
clip on a tiny dog.
People shower with underwear on everywhere.
French people shoot rats with a nail gun to let off steam
Wives in the protection program are unfaithful and need to burn.
At Mardi Gras, you could kill 80+ people, but the show must go on.
God loves hitmen.
Being pale and bald is no guarantee of a sunburn.
Necks are for choking.
Finding a dead body is only mildly interesting, but poking it with a stick is a gass.
Being a hitman doesn't give you license to be a slob. You WILL fold your clothes!
If you get shot a good few times you can still walk normally
Killing people is fun
Reporters dont think that finding unconscious people in fridges is worth writing about
If you wear the clothes of a man who looks just like you and wears identical clothes, guards who are trying to kill
you won't. (Hitman 2)
Rats bleed just as much as a fully grown human (bloodmoney
Everyone has a six pack.
Corpses that have been found will be put into body bags and dragged into random rooms then lain out for people to
see or thrown wildly into the air (Blood Money)
It's only thrown if the body bag glitches :p
You just can't kill an ex sumo wrestler by stabbing him with a knfe (Hitman: Codename 47).
its ok to be a serial killer
A heavily armed, psychopathic bald man with a bar-code tattooed on the back of his head is instantly suspicious to
highly trained CIA men. A heavily armed, psychopathic bald man with a bar-code tattooed on the back of his head
DRESSED AS A CLOWN, is perfectly normal.
You can bullseye sedative darts into patrolling guards at 500 meters using a kids air-rifle.
The papers think nothing of large piles of brutally murdered civilians discovered in suburban backgardens. Only the
poisoning of a man in the witness protection program worries them.
A dumpster is the tardis of body disposal. And no matter how many bodies are in one the guy dumping the rubbish
New orleans bars contribute 40 percent of America's rubbish.
It's normal for your secretary to give a corpse guns at a cremation.
Being put in a death like coma and being revived will in no way impair your ability to walk,run and aim. In fact you
will be fitter than a church full of fbi agents.
You can kill every guard on the way into the White House, but security elsewhere will continue as normal.
no one seems to care when they see you walk out of an elevator by your self, even though two men entered.......kinda
like the octagon.
You can take the clothes of everyone except for the one person you are trying to kill.
If you can push someone over a ledge to their death without ANYONE noticing...do so promptly. The same rule applies
Hide things in cakes, or other foods if you don't want them to be found.
Clowns deserve to die.
These are the greatest ones of this thread:
garbage men, civilian gardeners and jogger can come into a fbi survellienced house to see who got killed
Hit someone on the legs twice with a baseball bat and they die.
It's normal for your secretary to give a corpse guns at a cremation
Picking the lock of a bathroom stall causes those waiting in line to flee the scene in terror
Clothes riddeled with bulletholes and stained in blood are a perfect disguise.
The New Orleans newspaper will report the deaths of every person in the alleys, the buildings and every cop, but
they must ignore the thousands that were blown up or shot on the streets.
A witness can stare at a bald, impeccably dressed hitman in the face for 15 minutes, and then turn out an identity
picture of a bizarrely dressed, long haired guy for the police.
Next time I chase someone into a room with no other doors, windows, or potential exits and I can't find them, the
only logical explanation must be that they simply pulled a Houdini and vanished. After all, what else could possibly
be in that inconspicuously creaked open closet that's big enough for a man to stand in than clothes?
Apparently almost all security professionals favour a weapon that has a very low fire rate,is inaccurate,is quite
loud,has small clip size and does very little damage.
explosions do not cause fires
Bartenders can be very different, in heaven they talk about sexy singers, in hell they challenge you to duels
When 10 people conviently jump of a balcony all on the same night it is considered an accident.
Metal coins do not set of metal detectors.
Though Vinnie tripped down the stairs, the paper knows it was a silent assassin.
Though 47 is skilled in many fields, it takes him some solid time of contemplation, to get his groove on.
You can also reload dual pistols while climbing a latter.
Slash one's throat or strangle em and a retarded look is stuck on your face. (PS2 version of Hitman 2, try it and
climb a ladder to see 47's face)
Whenever people are in large groups, they are required to wear the same outfit.
All buildings must have black cases for storing weapons.
It is harder to throw a coin then to fire a sniper rifle.
If a piano happens to fall on an innocent civilian, people nearby will rush to them and then leave moments later
like nothing happened.
Nobody ever goes to a book store, so it is ok to kill the owner and leave his body on the floor.
Fathers do not care about their sons, especially when the bottom
of their jacuzzi breaks open and they fall to their death.
FBI agents will continue to eat a poisoned donut even after their partner drops dead.
Any police officer will accept a bribe.
If you are the star in an Opera you only ebver need to practice on scene, the rest just falls into place.
Dual Hardballers pack a serious punch, and will propel a target over 300 feet, possibly onto the balcony of a
nearby building. (Hitman 2: Anathema)
-- It only takes 3 seconds for a professional hitman to change his clothes.
-- Walking through metal detectors carrying metal items is a bad idea, as guards WILL NOT ask you to hand over any
metallic items, but instead shoot you immediately. (Hitman 2)
-- Snipers in empty apartments assigned to cover an important meeting in a nearby park will be so focused on looking
through the scope, that they wont notice a hostile sniper standing behind them aiming over their shoulder.
(Contracts, I actually got an SA rating this way xD)
-- International mannerism for: "I have encountered something suspicious", is rubbing your chin and uttering,
"Hmmm!". (Hitman 2)
Never eat or drink anything served to you by a suspicious looking bald man no matter how he's dressed.
a hitman only knows two dance moves. Spinning around on the spot really fast and to crouch and then stand up.
It is frowned upon to join in with a linedance at a redneck wedding. In fact all the other dancers will refuse to
continue dancing until you have left the dance floor.
It is easy to ruin a Christmas Eve party in the Rocky Mountains hosted by a famous pornographer.
Sons of pornagraphy tycoons have very glitchy sex. (peak through keyhole on horny Son in "You Better Watch Out".
Female Assasins normally sedate a random female party-goer for no apparent reason. (Blood Money. You better watch
Drunk fat women apparently get turned on by a deadly hitman. (House of Cards. Blood Money.)
There are ALWAYS two people making out in darkened corners of Chillian wine distillers.
All security guards smoke.
And, some more...
(From Hitman 1: Codename 47)
- Jumping on ground level is for sissies. No-one should ever jump, unless it's life threateningly dangerous to do
so. Like on a high balcony.
- Killing your own father can best be done with a the same minigun that you used to kill your homicidal
- The only animals you'll ever find in acres upon acres of rainforest are a single butterfly, a jaguar and some
- When a hooker tells you she found the combination to the safe in Lee Hong pants, make sure to pull a nasty face
when she kisses you. Just imagine where those lips have been...
- Dobermanns are evil! They must be shot!
- The CIA is utterly incompetent. Oh, and their agents wear underpants with the American flag on it. FACT!
- The Agency that employs you requires YOU to buy weapons FROM THE AGENCY. Selling a few weapons to your own man is
more import than maximising the chance of success (and you Agencies reputation). (Hitman 1 only)
- "I need to use the bathroom" used to be such an innocent phrase...
- Cocaine can gives a man superhuman powers AND makes him think that he's Scarface.
- Terrorists use extremely clever names when they sign the guestbook of a Hotel. Who would ever have thought that
Mr. Wolf was Frans Fuchs?!
- Thank god that for every evil dentist there is a helpful florist (with a shotgun, hidden in a box of roses)
(From Hitman 2: Silent Assassin)
- If you put 6 handguns in a single crate of groceries no-one will notice. And the best place to put crates of
groceries is always on the floor. In the full sun on a dusty road or on dirty kitchen tiles, but never a table.
- It's fun to play golf with invisible golf balls. (Mafia Don Guiseppe Guilliani, the target in Anathema)
- An unconscious person has no problem surviving several minutes underwater. (Try using 5 flasks of anesthetic on
someone and drop 'em in the pool - Anathema)
- Look out for lawyers! They usually carry a shotgun!
- Killing the wrong general in the meeting of 4 generals results in failure, because it's better to assassinate them
1 by 1 and spread over several missions, than all together at once.
- For no apparent reasons, dead rats in the sewer can be dragged?! Important life lesson.
- The CIA still sends it's worst agent to screw up important things. And he's an alcoholic now too.
- In India you will hear chickens all over town, but you'll never actually see one. Beware of stealth chickens!
- The UN will get mad at you if you anesthetise one of their men (even out of view it has mission failure as
result), but fibre-wiring one of them doesn't result in mission failure.
- So where do girl in bikini's hide their revolvers when they take a bath? They don't have any pockets...
- Ninja truck drivers have a tendency to drive over their own guys. Must be those damned ski masks.
- It's fun to steal the ancient katana sword of Hayamoto Sr.'s family from the basement museum and kill Hyamoto
himself with it while simultaniously fighting the horde of jumping ninja's. (I managed to do that once )
(From Hitman 3: Contracts)
- While being shot and clinging onto life you might remember past events and missions, but they'll feature new
rooms, buildings and new people. (Like the ghosts in 'Traditions of the Trade' and the altered basement of Lee Hong
- It makes sense to have a patrolling guard in an empty warehouse (empty except for a radiation suit in the Arctic
mission)You can take the suit and he won't stop you. He'll just keep patrolling...
- Killing someone who is sprinting to the toilet because your laxative gave him explosive diarrhea will not ruin the
- When Hitman kills someone in a horrible way, it will have no lasting effects on the space-time continuum. However,
when someone is killed in a Hotel with a knife, an entire wing becomes haunted by ghosts and spooky lighting.
- In the slaughterhouse/dance-party you can hang dead people on a moving rail of meat-hooks. If they are unconscious
and you hang them on a hook, they'll appear on the map as still being alive (despite hanging from a hook which is lodged in the head. Now that's evil.)