There I was, cooking dinner in the kitchen ( broccoli, organic plum tomatoes, mushrooms and spring onions with noodles in a salsa sauce with fresh chicken breast marinaded in ginger and lemon)
All of a sudden I see movement on the floor, to discover a big fat masssive humongous spider ( about the size of the palm of my hand) is sitting on the kitchen floor, camouflaging itself on the rug in front of the sink.
I am instantly aware of its evil plan!
When I turn my back it will jump on me and eat me!
Obviously, some very advanced tactical moves were a necessity here.
I withdrew myself into the living room so it could scuttle under the vegetable basket ( possibly to steal the onions to use them as stink boms)
So, heroic as I am, I click my tongue, by doing so, tricking my cats into thinking they're getting fed ( thanks Pavlov). I pick up one of them and throw it at the spider.
The cat just kinda looks at me and trots back up so she stands next to me again.
I pick up another cat, and throw it at the spider. That cat fails to see the spider as well.
At this point I realise the spider must have been watching Jurassic Park, and knows that predators don't see anything when it doesn't move.
Luckily, at this point, the spider decides to make a move for the onions.
BUT! It hadn't seem cat number 3!
Who quite happily jumped on top of the spider and ate it.
Take that evil eight legged freaks!
(ps: I didn't scream once during this whole episode)