Top 10 Dumbest Celebrity Quotes

[fstrulz]

Dan Quayle
Quote: "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our
nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But
we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."



Ivana Trump
Quote: "Fiction writing is great.
You can make up almost anything."



George Bush
Quote: "I have opinions of my own, strong opinions,
but I don't always agree with them."



Arnold Shwarzenegger
Quote: "I think gay marriage is something that
should be between a man and a woman."



Brooke Shields
Quote: "Smoking kills. If you're killed,
you've lost a very important part of your life."



Christina Aguilera
Quote: "So, where's the Cannes Film Festival
being held this year?"



Linda Evangelista
Quote: "It was God who made me so beautiful.
If I weren't, then I'd be a school teacher."



Alicia Silverstone
Quote: "I think that the film 'Clueless' was very deep.
I think it was deep in the way that it was very light.
I think lightness has to come fro ma very deep place
if it's true lightness."



Tara Reid
Quote: "I make Jessica Simpson
look like a rock scientist."



Jessica Simpson
Quote: "I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas.
Are there people from Texas that are anorexic?
I've never heard of one. And that includes me."

[Skiz]

I had a girl two days ago at work whom I was working with to schedule her vacation for next year.

She wanted to take the last week in April off, but when looking at the calendar, she said:

"Damn, I don't want to waste a whole weeks vacation to take that week; that week only has 4 days."

Spoiler: Show

*Note that Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of that week carried over into may.

[blackbird]

I had a girl two days ago at work whom I was working with to schedule her vacation for next year.

She wanted to take the last week in April off, but when looking at the calendar, she said:

"Damn, I don't want to waste a whole weeks vacation to take that week; that week only has 4 days."

Spoiler: Show

*Note that Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of that week carried over into may.

lol ... was she blonde ?

[Skiz]

I had a girl two days ago at work whom I was working with to schedule her vacation for next year.

She wanted to take the last week in April off, but when looking at the calendar, she said:

"Damn, I don't want to waste a whole weeks vacation to take that week; that week only has 4 days."

Spoiler: Show

*Note that Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of that week carried over into may.

lol ... was she blonde ?

Nope. 42 yr old black woman.

[Sextent]

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious - Alan Minter

"the bowler is Holding the batsmens Willey" Brian Johnston

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country - Ian Rush

"You watch the pitlane while I stop the start watch..." - Murray Walker

"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria... I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." - Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator

He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time. - Richie Benaud (cricket commentator)

"If at first you don't suceed, pull your foreskin over your head (pronounced heed)" - Old Scottish parable

I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat. - Ron Atkinson

What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football - Stuart Hall, (radio 5 live commentator)

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" - Samuel Goldwyn.

"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright.

"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me." - G.W. Hegel (philosopher)

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Mark Twain. -

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett.

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage." - Ambrose Bierce

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest." - Rowan Atkinson.

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own." - Les Dawson.

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright.

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde.

"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." - Henry Youngman.

"The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important." - Bobby Robson.

"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." - Oscar Wilde

"I have nothing to declare except my genius." - Oscar Wilde

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown.

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." - WC Fields.

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry.

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." - Groucho Marx.

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." - Jimmy Durante.

"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." - Douglas Adams."

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?" - Bart Simpson

"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!" - Homer Simpson

The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege."
- Times newspaper

"The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you." - Charles Dickens.

"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." - Patrick Murray.

"Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer." - Will Rogers.

"The Scottish verdict 'not proven' means 'guilty, but don't do it again'." - Winifred Duke.

"Gentlemen prefer bonds." - Andrew Mellon.

"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist." - Franklin Jones.

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." - Spike Milligan.

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates.

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." - Charles Lamb.

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." - Mario Andretti.

"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" - Steven Wright.

"I believe in dragons, fairies, good men and other mythical creatures!" - Anon

"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label." - Mark Twain.

"As God once said, and I think rightly..." - Margaret Thatcher.

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." - Woody Allen.

"Whoever said 'nothings impossible' never tried to nail jell-o to a tree" - Lisa Bryant

"If your left leg was easter, and your right leg was christmas, would i be able to meet you inbetween the holidays?" - Josh Longden

"If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send them all?" - Amy

[bigboab]

Brilliant.

[snowultra]

lol, there is to many good ones there. thanks for the chuckle

honestly there is so many, you could spend days reading them. on VH1--they have dumb celebrity quotes also.

[Something Else]

That's great, glad you got steven wright in there He's full of great one liners...

[Mr. Mulder]

Quote: "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our
nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But
we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

[DooMeD68]

there certainly dumb alright !