. Sucker-punch your boss.
2. Become a member of the Mile High Club, even if you have to do it alone.
3. Go to your high school reunion dressed as a homeless guy.
4. Stand outside the Today Show window and moon Al Roker for two straight hours.
5. Drink an entire keg of Guinness by yourself (no time limit).
6. Test-drive a top-end sports car and lead the cops on a high-speed chase.
7. Rack up $5,000 on your Discover card, then tell them you just discovered you don't have any money.
8. Befriend George W. Bush and try to get him to start drinking again.
9. Interview a female intern on a trampoline.
10. Visit Don Knotts grave site. (Keep in mind that he's still alive.)
11. Make it through an entire porn video.
12. Survive a bar fight.
13. Watch two women bring each other to fake orgasm in person.
14. Jell-O wrestle Shannon Elizabeth.
15. Hike through a jungle, armed only with a machete.
16. Learn all the words to Louie, Louie.
17. Grow a handlebar mustache just to see if it might look good on you.
18. Go to the top of the Empire State Building, then hit all the buttons in a crowded elevator on the way down.
19. Take the Steelers +3.5 and the Jets -2.5 and have the Jets beat the Steelers by three so you win both bets.
20. Hit a hole in one (with witnesses).
21. Hold auditions for a posse.
22. Wake up In a Frickin Gutter
23. Restore a Classic Car
24. Spend a night in jail for a semicool reason and talk shit about the screws.
25. Have sex on your boss desk. Don't clean up afterward.
26. Get banned from a casino.
27. Get drunk in Tijuana and goad a tough yet disinterested Mexican to beat you up.
28. Go to karaoke night and sing Free Bird, regardless of what song's playing.
29. Kick your dad's ass.
30. Pleasure yourself in a voting booth.
31. Spray-paint Scooby Rules! on the Great Wall of China.
32. Backpack across Europe wearing loud Hawaiian shirts and a cowboy hat. Offer everyone ketchup.
33. Put all the money you have in the world down on a blackjack table. (This should be the very last thing you do before you die.)
34. Have an all-night orgy with all your ex-girlfriends, then present a trophy to the Most Improved Lady.
35. Foil a crime in heroic fashion.
36. Make Mike Tyson flinch when he's old and punch-drunk.
37. Eat chunks of cooked dolphin off a naked woman's body.
38. Smoke a joint in synagogue and yell out, This is my High Holy Day, you bastards!
39. Hurt yourself badly while working around the house.
40. Catch a home run at a baseball game even if it's just batting practice.
41. Visit Graceland and ask to see the bathroom where the King's blue suede shoes were stepped on for the last time.
42. Grab the P.A. system at a department store and keep repeating the words Blow jobs, two for one in aisle seven.
43. Drive cross-country without a map.
44. Land a Big Un. This can be done fishing, or with a fat girl whilst drunk. Or both.
45. Do doughnuts on the White House lawn in a monster truck.
46. Give your girlfriend an enormous candy-diamond Ring Pop and try to convince her it's the real thing.
47. Sit in the stands at a Packers game in December without a shirt.
48. Name a pet You Filthy Whore so when you yell, Come back here, You Filthy Whore, the whole neighborhood pays attention.
49. Invite friends over for dinner, then mail them a bill for everything they ate.
50. Pick up a piece of road kill with a stick and chase a child with it.
51. Learn to bowl overhand.
52. Run a marathon and stop at 26 bars along the way for refreshments.
53. Watch every second of every game of March Madness at a sports bar in Vegas.
54. Visit Australia, nah, strike that.
55. Stand outside a bar pretending to be a bouncer and collect a cover charge from clueless tourists.
56. Drop by an ex-girlfriend's for a booty call even though it'll cause a serious headache.
57. Convince a girlfriend to get a tattoo of your name on her butt.
58. Secretly record your girlfriend having an orgasm. Then put it on the outgoing message of your answering machine.
59. Enjoy a competitive game of Where's My Finger? with the cast of Charmed.
60. Make double the salary your father made. If you can triple it, hire him as your personal valet.
61. Get drunk and cut someone's hair.
62. Go to an all-you-can-eat buffet the moment it opens and stay for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
63. Be a guest voice on The Simpsons.
64. Take a bank robber's gun from him and blow his brains out or, whatever.
65. Play a hurtful, unfunny practical joke on an office rival, where apologizing for an earlier unfunny practical joke is part of the gag.
67. Frequent a local bar so much they'll let you cash a paycheck there.
68. Tour a brewery wearing your underwear outside your clothes.
69. Jell-O wrestle Shannon Elizabeth...again.
70. Wait in the express line of a supermarket with too many items. When someone complains, take out a glue gun and start combining your purchases into one giant bundle.
71. Own a house that has a basement bar and rec room.
72. Expose yourself on a nationally televised sporting event.
73. Win a trophy. For anything.
74. Have sex in complete silence, with your in-laws in the next room.
75. Get banned from San Antonio (like Ozzy Osbourne did in 1982 for pissing on the Alamo), then try to break in. (Hint: Try the Rio Grande.)
76. Teach a monkey martial arts and then kick its ass.
77. Drink vodka in Moscow, smoke a cigar in Cuba, eat some Peking duck in Beijing, and take a shit in North Korea.
78. Whenever your girlfriend's father starts to say something at dinner, pretend you gotta sneeze and say, i'm her daddy.
79. Ride in the ambulance with Keith Richards on the way to get his transfusion.
80. Go into a gun store and ask the guy, What do you recommend for teaching someone a lesson?
81. Light a fire using only sticks. Then find a volleyball and befriend it. Next ask yourself if you're a fucking wacko.
82. Secretly Date Two Women Who Know Each Other
83. Eat between six and nine White Castle hamburgers for lunch every day for a week.
84. Snip the ponytail off a Hells Angel in a dive bar, then make a quick exit and tip over that row of bikes out front.
85. Go to a strip bar with your girlfriend and get her a table dance.
86. Date a coworker, break up, and ride out the awkwardness.
87. Jump from the second story of a building into a dumpster full of Chinese restaurant trash and fluorescent light bulbs.
88. Get a woman to pay you for sex. Or at least try.
89. Smoke opium in the jungles of Thailand. (I categorically deny having just suggested that.)
90. Sneak into the Playboy Mansion while Hef's alive. Work for the caterer if you have to.
91. Go to Vietnam and have a drink in a small dingy bar in memory of the guys.
92. Lock Emo Philips and Gallagher in a room together with nothing but two carrot peelers and a flatulent donkey. Leave them to die.
93. Call a cop a doughnut-eating fascist to his face. When you get out of the hospital, send him a dozen doughnuts.
94. Buy a round for a packed bar.
95. Meet Mr. T and thank him for helping keep you off the streets.
96. Discuss the latest advancements in silly string theory with Carmen Electra.
97. Pull off a hoax that gets reported as truth in a newspaper.
98. Knock on a random door in every country you visit and try to talk your way into a home-cooked meal.
99. Karate-chop a board in half with your bare hand.