This has been an interesting year for me as some of you probably know. I've gone through many things I shouldn't have had to go through, but have matured and grown a lot from them.
My life has been a very public thing for a while now, especially after my personal life was leaked online a month or so ago making things a bit awkword for me to cope with.
I have a few things to say, some might even shock a few people, but they're things I need to say even if nobody want's to listen.
First off, this will be my last christmas here as a staff member in the bittorrent world. I've gone from a user, to an uploader, to a staff member on multiple amazing sites, to creating my own piece of art with a few of the most amazing people I've come to know and work with. But I think there comes a time when you have nothing else to work towards, and you have to move on to better things. There's a saying that goes along the lines of, it's better to leave while you're at the top, then fall back to the bottom. I'm also hoping that my leave will put an end to the drama, and attacks that have been going on between me and several other people for way way too long..
Now don't freak out just yet. I'm not leaving bittorrent, I'm not going to go crawl into a cave and I'm not going to pull some disappearing act. I'll still be where I belong and I will still be the proud owner of my creation. I will however no longer be a full time staff member and I will no longer be around as much as usual. Instead I've decided it's time to get back into the world of the living and leave some of this data driven, behind closed doors life behind. I have an amazing future ahead of me, with opportunities opening every day that I need to take priority with.
Now onto the part that will drop a few mouths.
I know this will come as bullshit to some people, and I understand that. But I promise you, what I say below this line is true and I really have no reason to lie at this point.
Feeling: You were once someone I considered a good friend. I gave you a lot of trust and brought you into my life more than I probably should have. However, I don't hate you man. I might not agree with your ideas, nor your motives, but you are who you are and nothing can or ever will change that. You have a great site and I think it's pretty obvious you know that. Don't let your mind cloud your heart, and try not to stray too far away from what you and I and the others tried to accomplish during my time there. I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope things work out for you. I'll give you a word of advice though, and I hope you take it seriously. Be true to yourself and others, especially those you hold close. Because the truth always comes out eventually, and you can never hide anything from the ones you hold closest to your heart. Forgiveness won't come easy.
TheFox: You sir are a man above all. I'll always have the full upmost respect for you, and I hope you continue to use your incredible skill and knowledge to make what you've done even better than it already is.
Kimii: You were my pride and joy, my heart and soul, and are an amazing individual. Our hisotry goes back quite a bit, and I hope you still remember the good times we had and not just the bad. You've been through so much that you never should have had to go through, and although I wasn't the one who did the dirty deeds, I still feel somewhat responsible for bringing you into the chaos that eventually led to your troubles. I never should have made you staff, but I wanted so badly to share with you what I loved so much. You will probably always blame me for what has happened, but I would never do anything to hurt you, nor do I have any reason to do anything to hurt you. I would also never do anything I couldn't take back. I wish you the best of luck as well, and hope all of your dreams come true. Ignore the assholes, and keep your head up. Don't be afraid to slap you know who around a bit if he gets out of line. It always worked on me
FST Staff: I once looked down on you guys, but have somehow come to respect you. You have a big job to run here, and you do it well considering. I hope I wasn't too much of an animal for you to handle
All my FTN homies: <3 you guys. Thanks for always watchin my back and making me smile in our silly pm's
SCT people: Sorry if I offended you. I only wanted to speak my mind, and I know there were times I was way out of line. You stand by what you believe, just as I do, and I respect that. You also protect that of which you love, and I won't hold that against you. Hopefully some day we can all shake hands and laugh at all the stupid bullshit we actually went through.
To all the drifters who so kindly filled my PM box with all those wonderful PM requests. Don't give up hope. Just because I ignored you does not mean you aren't worthy. It's a sad truth of life that we can't please everyone, even if we try really hard.
I know I left a lot of people I hold closely out of the above, but you guys already know how i feel about you. That will never change
Take care <3
edit: i know this is going to come up somewhere so i'll add it here now, so I dont have to reply later.
Yes, I've left ftn many times. Yes i've come back. But I'm not leaving ftn this time. I'm just stepping away from an administrative/coding role. I will still OWN the site, I will still be around the staff, I will still pay the bills to make sure it stays up, and I will still keep a close eye and step in IF NEEDED. What I will not do, is hang around here, do any user modifications, add any new code, make any changes, tell mods/staff anything to do. This is the first time i've done this. I will only oversee things but I will not interact unless expressly needed which I doubt will happen. There are many situations where people create a business, and allow others to run it. I don't have the time to do this anymore and I feel I need to move on. I'm not giving it up, I'm not walking away, I'm just going to stop running it. I hope that made sense.
To put that in one sentence. I am not going to abandon my team and my friends.