A little something I've stumbled upon which made me giggle, here are a few I really liked:
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty)
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.