Letters Of Complaint.

[chalice]

Thought it might be cathartic for some of us to politely disperse some of the steam we build up internally as an upshot of the myriad twats we encounter in the real world in our day to day existences.

With this, I will also be attempting to resurrect the archaic art form of letter writing.

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Dear Nincompoop who served me in the shop this morning,

what fucking tree did you just fall out of? You've got a fucking till to do all the hard arithmetic for you.

When you said, 'that'll be £7.02', I handed you £7.50. Your eyes glazed over in this flitty, 'what day is it' kinda manner.

'No mate', you said, 'it's £7.02.

Didn't you feel even in the slightest bit thick when I responded, 'yes, that means you owe me 48p'.

What a fucking cawk you are. I owe you 2 punches in the nose, available the next time I see your gormless face.

Kindest Regards,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

[chalice]

Dear cunt who lives opposite me,

why in the name of fuck do you deem it necessary to park your piece of shit car outside my house every fucking night in life? You've got your own fucking house to deposit that fucking jalopy in front of.

Tonight I will be tampering with your brakes, keying your windscreen and gobbing on your door handles.

Sincerely yours,

Chalice (OfWeeWee)

P.S. Your wife is shockingly ugly and your kids are spotty wee fuckers.

[tralalala]

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Dear dad...

As you may or may not know, I've finished school and am going into the army sometime within the next half year.. Is that too bloody difficult to understand? It would make sense I'd like to go and socialize at night with my mates, some of whom are going into the army as we speak, meaning I'd be coming home really (really) late at night.. I in no way think this warrants a fucking yelling session as a wake up call at 12:30 PM on a Friday, just to shout at me you want me to go do the shopping, when you yourself said you'd been out to give the car a run.. How fucking stupid does that sound for gawds sake!?
So yeah, I went out and did the shopping, got the rolls for the weekend, and all you can say whe nI get back in is "fanks, now why didn't you get up earlier?"

Cos I went to sleep at 4:30AM goddamnit!! Fuck sake.. It's not like there's anything to do at home so I can happily stay in and claim to be having a good time, cos that simply isn't what happens.. So let me go out with ma mates and come back late, and understand that's why I wake up so late the next day..


Fucking fuckity fuck.

Rafi (of PishPish)

[The Flying Cow]

Dear cunt who flew out of me windae and broke my downstairs neighbour's shutter box,

you better deliver me my brand new shoes (yes, those you took on your feet and now say you 'lost'), or their retail value of €60, or I'll go to your whore of a mother and ask her for an explanation. Don't think I'm afraid of that. I couldn't give two fucking hoots about her or your failure of a father.

Clearly your parents are raising hoodlums as children; you, a pathetic excuse for a junkie, and your younger brother, soon to be following your very well-chosen footsteps.

I sincerely hope you rot in hell.

[Skiz]

Dear wetback,

Quit your fucking complaining about the entire country needing to be bilingual. Your reply that some are here legally is complete bullshit. The ones that are here legally would have been here for some time and now have the education to speak and write English so that is pure fucking shite that we should know or be forced to look at every fucking thing in Spanish.

I speak your dirty language when I am at a Jaliscos ordering my tacos. I may be a gringo, but they never correct me at a Jalisco because I know what the fuck I'm saying.

This is The United States of America, Speak English in public or get the fuck out! I don't want to hear some bleach-blonde, hooked-on-America, Mexican cunts side bar conversation about me in the grocery line. I know I'm fucking awesome to the max and your senorita is eye fucking me. I also don't like short, fat, Mexican bitches so they need to get off their high horse and stop wearing shit that shows their fat ass/legs/gut/face.

One last thing - quit dropping babies around every fucking corner. Our health care system is expensive enough as it is without you leeches milking it for free without paying a nickel in taxes!

I sincerely hope we build a 100 foot wall with machine guns triggered automatically by motion sensors, every 50 feet. Die.

[tralalala]

Priceless thread.

[Acid_death69]

sherman has your mate still not given you your shoes bk from when he stumbled outta ya house high as a kite lol?

[chalice]

Dear old woman who invariably sits beside me on the train in the morning,

you smell of piss and cat and peppermint and hairspray and Chanel No.5. This heady mixture is worse than the sum of it's parts. Next time you sit beside me, I'm gonna find out if you're flammable.

You also breathe funny and talk to yourself on occasion. Stop it. Stop it now.

I remain your obedient servant,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

[Acid_death69]

Dear old woman who invariably sits beside me on the train in the morning,

you smell of piss and cat and peppermint and hairspray and Chanel No.5. This heady mixture is worse than the sum of it's parts. Next time you sit beside me, I'm gonna find out if you're flammable.

You also breathe funny and talk to yourself on occasion. Stop it. Stop it now.

I remain your obedient servant,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

lmao, let her sit on a tac or something.

[tralalala]

Dearest Russians of Israel -


It has come to my attention that over the past 20 years, some 1.5 million of you have made it into Israel.. That's all cool and co., except for the simple fact that most of you are FUCKING Russians who try to show no goddamn resemblance to the Jewish nation!
I mean, what would be the point coming to Israel, the state of the Jews, where most probably the idea would be to have a place that would resemble a Jewish people's place, with Jewish rituals/habits (at least to some extent), when most of you simply go about eating your stinky pig meat (no offense to all non-Jews who eat pig, it's just a phrase used to express how pissed I am), not get circumcised (at least some of you), never (EVER) go to shul, not even on the holiest day of them all (when even the most secular people give some sort of respect), eat bread on Passover (yes, some non-Russians do this too, but I'm not talking about them)..

Not only that, but you are probably responsible for the rise in prostitution, binge drinking, and non-kosher-food-eatage.. You fucking cunts. Why did you come here then!?

And no, the fact that some ancient grandfather of yours may have been Jewish.. The fact the Israeli government takes you as that is only because of the Nuremberg Laws.. Fuck sake, not good enough for me.

Go shove all your Russian shite back to Russia, and you can go with it. All your gangsta-egghead-tatted-cuntsters can get the hell out of here, we don't need you whatsoever.

On top of all that, you even brought in a grocery store "dedicated" to sell all your crap here, when you made sure all the workers would be Russians, selling non-Jewish shite which extracts any connection to the Jewish nation from you.. So ya'll can GTFO, right now.


k.thx.bai.