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Thread: Hamsters

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    sunny Queensland, Australia!
    If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome
    including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have
    you laughing out LOUD!

    Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
    Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something
    wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's
    just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you
    I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his
    bedroom. one of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking
    stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
    "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"
    "Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
    "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
    I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't
    want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
    "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she enquired.
    (I actually think she said this sarcastically&#33
    "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most
    loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
    "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
    "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed
    me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)
    By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I
    shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a
    wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of
    "OH, Gross!", they shrieked.
    "Well, isn't THAT just Great!; what are we going to do with a litter of tiny
    little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was
    being snotty here, too. don't you?)
    We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny
    foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear
    to be making much progress," I noted.
    "Its breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
    "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
    "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next
    appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more
    times with the same results.
    "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe the could
    talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my
    "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son
    holding the cage in his lap. Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't
    think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel
    to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is
    of her womb, for God's sake.)
    The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little
    animal through a magnifying glass
    "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.
    "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to
    you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
    "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
    "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labour. In fact,
    that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young
    male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species,
    they Just the way he did, lying on his back." He
    blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr..
    Cameron." We were silent, absorbing this.
    "So Ernie's just...just...Excited," my wife offered
    "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence.

    Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even
    laugh loudly.
    "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I
    married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
    Tears were now running down her face.
    "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny
    little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
    "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled
    the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going
    to be okay
    "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
    "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

    2 x Hamsters - $10...
    1 x Cage - $20...
    1 x Trip to the Vet - $30...
    Memory of your hubby pulling on a hamster's weeny........Priceless

    <span style='color:blue'><span style='font-family:Courier'>The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.....</span>
    <span style='color:red'><u>Don't Go Here.........</u></span></span>

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    bigboab's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +1
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Age is getting to me. I thought patio doors was an Irish country singer.


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