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Thread: Religious humour

  1. #1
    bigboab's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +1
    Join Date
    Jul 2003

    The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and
    turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy
    looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and
    she turned into a telephone pole!'


    A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
    Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the
    roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'

    A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'


    A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
    fishing when he was on the Ark ?'

    'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms?'


    A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how
    powerful kings and queens were in Bible times, but there is a Higher
    Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'

    One child blurted out, 'Aces!'


    Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday

    'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a
    rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the
    Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked
    across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent
    bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'

    'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his mother

    'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
    believe it!'


    A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of
    the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters
    a month to learn the chapter.

    Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the
    Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

    On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the
    congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to
    the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all
    I need to know.'


    A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'Your mother says your
    prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?'

    The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'


    The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused
    and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she
    asked him why.

    'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
    messages, 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'

    'So, how come He doesn't?' she asked.


    During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one
    of the back pews.

    Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after
    church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'

    Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'


    A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

    'Yes, sir.' the boy replied.

    'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.

    'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'


    When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every
    family member, every friend, and every pet, current and past.

    For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would
    say, 'All girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include
    this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why
    do y ou always add the part about all girls?'

    Her response, 'Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying
    'All Men'!'


    Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
    grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food
    was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started
    eating right away.

    'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother.

    'I don't need to,' the boy replied.

    'Of course, you do.' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before
    eating at our house.'

    'That's at our house.' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house and
    she knows how to cook!'

    Age is getting to me. I thought patio doors was an Irish country singer.

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Hologram's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +1
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Nothing better than making fun out of religions.


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