Workin' hard to catch the cancer

[mjmacky]

Hey guys, I'm putting this all together with the intentions to share it elsewhere (excuse the blasphemy). I've been smoking "roll your own" for awhile. I used to buy cans of Bali Shag until the huge tax hike (5.3 oz. went from $18 to $45 at the store, shortly after it was illegal to ship roll your own across state lines via internet/phone ordering, i.e. interstate commerce). After that I tried a few things and eventually settled with Daughters & Ryan 3 Sails Pipe Tobacco, which smoked just like Roll Your Own and tasted alright.

Then the bug hit me a couple months ago. I wanted to start buying leaves and making my own blends. I loved the experimentation with different leaves, but the biggest and most frustrating obstacle was processing the tobacco, e.g. chopping/shaving/shredding. I've gone through about 6 different techniques, and think I finally landed on a working solution. I wasted a lot of money on this fucking hobby... my story below:

1. The first was the Leaf Only branded Tobacco Leaf Shredder from the site that I was buying my leaves. I was only able to mount it at my computer desk since the vice/clamp/grip was too thin to mount anywhere else. It was working out OK for a little while until the thing kept jamming up and bending the combs (my tobacco was barely moist). It was also a pain in the ass to get a second or third shred with no hopper. Eventually I destroyed the thing after processing a few times. Cost $50 (unrecovered).
2. I tried rolling the leaves into cigar shape and cutting with scissors based on this guide. It was difficult to cut, and the tobacco came out too thick no matter what I tried. The problem with a thick cut is that it tastes like you're inhaling pipe tobacco, too much characteristic flavor and is awful going down. I bought a pair of scissors just for this purpose. Cost $17 (hey but now I have a nice new pair of scissors).
3. I bought a food processor, same problem as in #2. Cost $20 (unrecovered).
4. I bought a pasta machine and an angel hair attachment. I even bought dremel tool to grind grooves into the rollers so that they grabbed the tobacco. The gears that allowed both rollers to roll in harmony broke not 10 minutes into the venture. The gears were fixed on the rod via a secant cut. That got warped and eventually only one roller was turning. I beat the machine mercilessly with a hammer and threw it in a box. Whatever I did cut actually smoked pretty decently. Cost $115 ($50 recovered)
5. I bought a 3 foot plank of 3" x 3" oak wood, a hacksaw, a portable vice clamp, and an expensive meat cleaver. I pressed the leaves into brick form with ~ 1000 lbs of pressure (guessing), and tried to shave thin slices using both a straight razor and a meat cleaver. I bought a sharpening stone, and grinded away so that the cleaver was sharp enough to go through paper like soft butter. This whole project took a lot of physical effort from construction to tobacco processing. In the end, I only ended up with the same cut of tobacco as #2.
   failed.jpg
   Cost $115 (unrecovered)

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   INTERLUDE:
   This next one was the last attempt, pass or fail. It's not even about the cost of tobacco anymore, it's that tobacco is more of a hobby than a habit. However, I can only fail so many times and waste so much money before I start to really lose my cool.
   

   ---

6. I bought a Staples Mailmate M5 paper shredder. I had to rip out the protective plastic that limits the thickness of the items being fed through, as depicted here:
   papershredder.jpg
   Then, using my metal working magic, crafted an aluminum hopper:
   tobaccoshredder.jpg
   I then deribbed all my leaves, blending 5 different types of tobacco (American VFC, Canadian VFC, Oriental, Light Fire Cured, Aged Burley). I shredded it three times. This is the first shred:
   firstcut.jpg
   The second shred:
   secondcut.jpg
   The third and final shred:
   thirdcut.jpg
   And here's a view up close:
   thirdcutclose.jpg
   Cost $70.
   

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The verdict: It tastes great and burns well (evenly, ashes solid). The only caveat so far is that I have to keep relighting my cigarettes; however, since it doesn't give me that pipe taste of a low temp burn I'm not going to get too worked up over that.

In case anyone was wondering, my plan was to link to this post from the "How to Grow Tobacco" forum. I have no yard or any place to grow and cure my own leaves, so I'll just stick to buying them for now.

[megabyteme]

Nice work. I'm not a smoker, but can admire the effort you put into your project. Ah, the sweet smell of success tobacco.

That said, I am curious, does the smoke smell like Marlboro, or pipe tobacco? And, if you know, why do cigarettes smell so awful in comparison to fine pipe tobacco?

[mjmacky]

Nice work. I'm not a smoker, but can admire the effort you put into your project. Ah, the sweet smell of success tobacco.

That said, I am curious, does the smoke smell like Marlboro, or pipe tobacco? And, if you know, why do cigarettes smell so awful in comparison to fine pipe tobacco?

To answer your question, neither. It just smells and tastes better, in every way (even the stink left over afterwards). I never smoked Marlboro, but my mother-in-law does and it's just horrible. The reason why Marlboro smells like shit probably has something to do with this.

Pipe tobacco is aromatic because of the way it burns, and sometimes they do add flavoring. The thicker cut used for pipes has a lower surface area, thus doesn't tend to burn as hot. Since it isn't burning as hot, not all the potential reactions of combustion go to completion, giving you a potpourri of side products. When you cut it finer, it burns hotter driving most reactions further to completion (shorter, mellowing out the flavor. At least that's how I understand it.

[megabyteme]

Nice work. I'm not a smoker, but can admire the effort you put into your project. Ah, the sweet smell of success tobacco.

That said, I am curious, does the smoke smell like Marlboro, or pipe tobacco? And, if you know, why do cigarettes smell so awful in comparison to fine pipe tobacco?

To answer your question, neither. It just smells and tastes better, in every way (even the stink left over afterwards). I never smoked Marlboro, but my mother-in-law does and it's just horrible. The reason why Marlboro smells like shit probably has something to do with this.

Pipe tobacco is aromatic because of the way it burns, and sometimes they do add flavoring. The thicker cut used for pipes has a lower surface area, thus doesn't tend to burn as hot. Since it isn't burning as hot, not all the potential reactions of combustion go to completion, giving you a potpourri of side products. When you cut it finer, it burns hotter driving most reactions further to completion (shorter, mellowing out the flavor. At least that's how I understand it.

When I was 19, I was pouring concrete for a small company in the Seattle area that was staying steady while not much work was available. We had just moved into a brand new development with a good 50-60 homes (nice BIG, EXPENSIVE) ones. I was off doing my menial, back breaking labors when this man began walking from building site to site. It turnout he was the BIG guy, the one developing all the homes in there. Had to have been a $30M+ project.

Anyway, the guy came close enough to me that I could smell his pipe. It was one of the most amazing smells I have ever encountered. This was like EXPENSIVE perfume compared to Brut. That much of a difference compared to anything else you'd light on fire- including some of the other nice pipe tobaccos I had stumbled across occasionally.

He told me it was called "Diplomat". God only knows how expensive that was, or what it actually tasted like. I can vouch for an amazing, memorable smell (~20 years)...

[mjmacky]

If I add them all up, I blew $337 over the past couple of months on this. To put that into perspective, that's roughly the amount I'll spend in a year on tobacco + tubes.

[mjmacky]

When I was 19, I was pouring concrete for a small company in the Seattle area that was staying steady while not much work was available. We had just moved into a brand new development with a good 50-60 homes (nice BIG, EXPENSIVE) ones. I was off doing my menial, back breaking labors when this man began walking from building site to site. It turnout he was the BIG guy, the one developing all the homes in there. Had to have been a $30M+ project.

Anyway, the guy came close enough to me that I could smell his pipe. It was one of the most amazing smells I have ever encountered. This was like EXPENSIVE perfume compared to Brut. That much of a difference compared to anything else you'd light on fire- including some of the other nice pipe tobaccos I had stumbled across occasionally.

He told me it was called "Diplomat". God only knows how expensive that was, or what it actually tasted like. I can vouch for an amazing, memorable smell (~20 years)...

I had pondered on pipes for awhile. I was almost sold on the pretentiousness of appearance alone, but alas, I'm a swallower not a spitter.

[ziggyjuarez]

Never had natural tabacco myself but I've heard it doesn't do the job.It doesn't give you that kick.Is this true?I figure all the junk they put in at the factory is what makes it do that.
I only smoke a pack a month so what the fuck do I know?

[mjmacky]

Never had natural tabacco myself but I've heard it doesn't do the job.It doesn't give you that kick.Is this true?I figure all the junk they put in at the factory is what makes it do that.
I only smoke a pack a month so what the fuck do I know?

All of those other chemicals they put, that I linked to earlier serve several purposes. I'd go on about it, but the wikianswers covers it quite well in brief:
*improve burning speed and consistency
*preserve the tobacco
*improve the flavor and texture of the smoke
*increase the volatility (and thus availability) of nicotine

So you might not get that kick of nicotine you're looking for with roll your own if all you've ever smoked were commercial. You could try the electric cigarette if you were interested in weening yourself of commercial.

[SomePeople]

Mary,

This DIY thing you're doing here, I'm assuming you've done quite a bity of reading about it. Do you know if there's anything anywhere about the effects of the chemicals they add in commercial manufacture? I'm interested in that specific aspect of it. I'm sure adding those chemicals must have some effect on the health aspects of smoking, but can't seem to find much about it.

[Artemis]

Never had natural tabacco myself but I've heard it doesn't do the job.It doesn't give you that kick.Is this true?I figure all the junk they put in at the factory is what makes it do that.
I only smoke a pack a month so what the fuck do I know?

All of those other chemicals they put, that I linked to earlier serve several purposes. I'd go on about it, but the wikianswers covers it quite well in brief:
*improve burning speed and consistency
*preserve the tobacco
*improve the flavor and texture of the smoke
*increase the volatility (and thus availability) of nicotine

So you might not get that kick of nicotine you're looking for with roll your own if all you've ever smoked were commercial. You could try the electric cigarette if you were interested in weening yourself of commercial.

I was going to say that relighting your cigarette was because commercial cigarettes have additives in them that make them burn smoothely once lit, but I see that is redundant, you being the chemist although loathing organic chemistry could try a couple of mild additives to keep some consistency to the burn without altering the taste?

I used to be a 30 a day man (Marlboro too) but kicked the habit 12 years ago so am glad it is only a vague memory. I admire your tenacity over your contraption though....