Umm free modems, instant access, free for 3 months and lets not forget 52x faster broadband than what we have for less money?????? goddamnit!With BT set to launch its new 1Mbps Asymmetric Digital Subscriber Line (ADSL) broadband net service on 20 November, it is worth taking a moment to consider just how broad the UK's band really is.
The more important issue is whether British internet users are being sold short. After all, a speed boost of 512kbps is no great shakes, especially when you consider that you will be lucky to get half of that when network congestion and distance from the telephone exchange are factored in.
Here in Japan, ADSL is a firmly established technology, with the locally owned arm of Yahoo, called Yahoo BB, the market-leading net service provider.
This summer, Yahoo BB signed up its three millionth customer for services running at eight and 12Mbps.
For the last year, it has been nigh on impossible to take a stroll in the capital without being asked, "Yahoo BB wa ikaga desu ka? (How about Yahoo BB?)," by one of Mr Son's army of street salespeople ready to sign you up and send you on your way with an ADSL modem in a bag.
According to the IEEE, you could get over 50Mbps, theoretically, if your loop is less than one kilometre. In Japan, NTT has put a fibre feeder point within a kilometre of 80% of locations
Now, with the latest tranche of upgrades taking the maximum download speed to a blazing 26Mbps - remember, this is still over standard telephone lines, just like in the UK - one can be forgiven for wondering why BT and its competitors are languishing in the slow lane.
Japanese surfers clearly have a good deal. Yahoo BB's 26Mbps package costs just 3,838 yen, or about £20 per month, which is around £10 cheaper than the new BT deal.
The Japanese package includes modem rental, the service provider fee, and a subscription to the company's IP (Internet Protocol) phone service, BBPhone, offering dirt-cheap phone calls.
For an extra 1,000 yen, there is a wireless LAN pack available. On top of all that, the whole caboodle is free for the first three months.
Another factor worth noting concerns the set-up procedure.
There is no taking an afternoon off work and waiting around for an engineer to do something mysterious with your phone socket.
With Yahoo BB, it is a simple plug-and-play affair. Connect the ADSL modem to your computer, run the supplied software (Windows, Mac or Linux) and that is it.
"There will be an increasing emphasis on fibre optic connections with higher bandwidth than DSL, but that seems like a 2004 to 2005 story to us."
If UK surfers are lucky, we might see an entrepreneur like Masayoshi Son do an Abramovich and inject a little life into the ADSL market, but do not hold your breath.