I think I just end up getting trolled on dating sites

[mjmacky]

I'm actively dating despite the wife thing. I find it difficult to consolidate the two things online once it comes down to exchanging contact info and such, so the online dating thing tends to lead nowhere. Anyways, purging some of my correspondences for... I don't know... therapy?

Mary: Can you make it snow with the dandruff? I'm with a society of chronic dandruff sufferers, we have one central belief... there may be a fungus among us. We're not very original. Also, we're not real.
Anyways, I enjoyed the read.

bloom: I'm glad I could keep someone so smart interested while reading my profile. Thanks Dr.

wolf: no bull shit whilst putting the obvious reasons for being on here... i suddenly thought i might try and learn serbian... if you fancy throwing over basic piontless messages in serbian for me to practice with.... really not sure of there is anything in return for you... ask me ... we could break a deal.. lets do it!

Mary: Have you heard of the Gradual Report on youtube? Specifically, the series called "Serbian lessons".

wolf: ja mislim , on je samo malo lud!!! ne razumem to nije tako smesno? pa zasto smesno??? kako si danas?

Mary: Baš je bitno da kaže, "u picku materinu", kad pricaš na srpskom. Ta istina je jedina istina. Onako mi je danas... samo to...

wolf: ok my serbian is not good enough to reply to that, are you saying that when speakin serbian you have to speak you mind like a serb? honestly strongly and to the point.
That guy of the gradual report is really not that funny and i dont understand why anyone would think that... his particular american accents is grating on my english ears? maybe its more funny for serbs who can speak english, but the other way around ??? But if he is the guy who does the one about the draft and serbian grandmothers!!!! pissed myself for a week!!!!

Mary: Basically what I was saying is that cursing in Serbian is a prerequisite to speaking Serbian, particularly that phrase. His "Serbian lessons" really only make sense to Serb speakers, even if his grammar is a little off at times. It's sort of a critique of the vulgarity of the language.
Anyways, I never asked, why do you want to study/speak it?

wolf: in a rush ... so in english... er my cousins babies are growing up and if i dont really get a grip and learn how to speak read write better i will not be able to speak to them properly, but its difficult practising, and without constant reinforcement and learning new things i forget what i learn!!!

wolf: ps apart form jabo te i know no bad words ....

Mary: Jebo te, kako ce da te biloko razume kad nikad da koristiš u picku materinu? Ako si baba, kažeš, u pizdu materinu. Nije loš da tako prica, samo je tako. Jebem ti sunce.
So all the grammar and misspelling on your profile, is that intentional? It seems like it is, but there's no allusion to the reason behind it.

wolf: nope dyslexic and cant be bothered to change it..... i mean its such a ball ache, i am much better at mathematical proofs and physics etc and more concerned with how beautiful 26 is, than all this writing stuff, i am a visual thinker, and writing is my nemisis... i hate it.... Everybody thinks i am stupid... but then i surprise them
ja ne kao, citas i pisanje!!

Mary: I could change it all for you, but I'm in the habit of charging for those services, so in that case I won't assuming you wouldn't bother to pay me either.
For some reason, the app won't show me what you wrote on the bottom, but I don't remember if it made sense anyway. I would try to be helpful, but I'm so much more inclined to be a teasing jerk about it, and it looks like this app is going to force my hand.

SYSTEM: No reply

999969999: Gosh darn, you're beautiful.

Mary: Really now? I've always just kind of assumed I'm average at best.

999969999: Hah, no.
Not at all.

Mary: Must be my personality that gives me that impression then.

999969999: No sir.
You are beautiful, period.

SYSTEM: User no longer has an account

weirdfuckingname: Chat me up if so inclined

Mary: I could try to chat you up, but I'm still trying to decode your name, so it's distracting. Here's my best right now. Cross-eyed pet orc eat. It's a stretch, but I feel like I'm missing a reference along the way. Regardless, I know it's wrong.

weirdfuckingname: Would you like me to reveal it for you or has it turned to a challenge? Only one person has guess in years, although I have to say your version cracks me up

Mary: If it doesn't have anything to do with Aztec gods, then I don't know if I could crack this code. Either way, reveal, reveal.

SYSTEM: No reply

[mjmacky]

Why do you only come around when I post my correspondences, Darth? Do you have like a subscription for that or something?

[Quarterquack]

...

That's it? That's all you have to show for it? An embargo with a stale whiskey, a cocktease to thread readers about a weirdfuckingname, and an amalgamation of one liners repeated to death by matter-of-fact-factualists? The stale whiskey is already at your end game.

[Quarterquack]

Why do you only come around when I post my correspondences, Darth? Do you have like a subscription for that or something?

How about a challenge? I'll not tell you how I do it. You don't ask me again the next umpteen times I do it. First one to lose has to post cawk pics.

[mjmacky]

That's it? That's all you have to show for it? An embargo with a stale whiskey, a cocktease to thread readers about a weirdfuckingname, and an amalgamation of one liners repeated to death by matter-of-fact-factualists? The stale whiskey is already at your end game.

The formatting to make it look readable on here is pretty tedious, you're lucky you get that much. The other ones with like 50+ messages would be a nightmare to make it readable in a forum, and nobody really cares anyway. What's this that you're on about whiskey?

[mjmacky]

how about a challenge? I'll not tell you how i do it. You don't ask me again the next umpteen times i do it. First one to lose has to post cawk pics.

nsfw

Spoiler: Show

1994-450-tiny.jpg

[Quarterquack]

She's irish, bottom heavy, and part of any healthy breakfast. That's all the hints you get before I reveal the joke you're missing.

[Quarterquack]

nsfw

Sure that was sfw. Don't ever assume how strict image viewing practices are at my workplace again (READ: I usually work alone).

I'm starting to have a relapse (most likely brought about by the fact that you uncapitalized my name heinously in your quote) to my calling you Mary Magdelene at one point. I don't care what contemporary feminists say. The tattoo is proof positive my label was spot on.

Also, I'm taking the phoatie as a sign of you dropping the ball on the challenge. I'm currently assessing whether or not that was because the idea of seeing my manhood rattled your insecurities into throwing the hat in, or simply because you absolutely must know how I do it.

[mjmacky]

She's irish, bottom heavy, and part of any healthy breakfast. That's all the hints you get before I reveal the joke you're missing.

It seems like you're on about a liqueur, but what is this in relation to?

[mjmacky]

nsfw

Sure that was sfw. Don't ever assume how strict image viewing practices are at my workplace again (READ: I usually work alone).

I'm starting to have a relapse (most likely brought about by the fact that you uncapitalized my name heinously in your quote) to my calling you Mary Magdelene at one point. I don't care what contemporary feminists say. The tattoo is proof positive my label was spot on.

Also, I'm taking the phoatie as a sign of you dropping the ball on the challenge. I'm currently assessing whether or not that was because the idea of seeing my manhood rattled your insecurities into throwing the hat in, or simply because you absolutely must know how I do it.

The implied meaning of nsfw is not so much that it would get you in trouble at work so much as it creates disjointed explanations between men and their misseses. It's just been repurposed like that, you know, like cucumbers.

Also, my current avy predates whatever you're talking about that I don't quite remember, and I reminded myself to do it when Dave promised to make a hate site about me.