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Thread: The Rules...

  1. #1
    Leech_Killer's Avatar Poster
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    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down all the time.

    2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

    3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

    4. Sunday = golf. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    5. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    6. Crying is blackmail.

    7. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    8. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

    9. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    10. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    11. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    12. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    13. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 3 hours.

    14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

    15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    16. Let us oggle. We are going to look anyway, it's genetic.

    17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.

    18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercial breaks.

    19. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

    20. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    21. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    22. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

    23. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    24. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    25. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss motor bikes.

    26. You have enough clothes.

    27. You have too many shoes.

    28. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some porno where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

    29. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

    30. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
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    Don't they say pets take after their owners, either in looks, mannerisms or in their early conditioning?

  4. Funny S**t   -   #3
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    BTW how did you get the cat to do that?

    Did the cat's parts actually move (eg the paw), and looking like it is drinking beer. It has hair/fur. Seems impossible with all the shadows that hair causes, ie animating them with the technology.

  5. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Leech_Killer's Avatar Poster
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    Originally posted by chloe_cc2002@13 February 2003 - 12:01
    BTW how did you get the cat to do that?

    Did the cat's parts actually move (eg the paw), and looking like it is drinking beer. It has hair/fur. Seems impossible with all the shadows that hair causes, ie animating them with the technology.
    Not down to me, I just found it on the net.

  6. Funny S**t   -   #5
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    I saw a cat from the US of course, that was eating at a table and using knives and forks, spoons and even chopsticks to eat it's food.

    It is a fairly cute animation but you can see underneath the paw there is a block of white if you look closely. I bet the cat's paw isn't really a paw but a hand or some cardboard cut out over the bottle (ie edited close to the cat's colour).

    And the cat is drinking a lot of beer without anything coming out the other end.

  7. Funny S**t   -   #6
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    LOL @ all the cat comments

    LOL @ the rules, if you don't mind I will make a copy of thase

  8. Funny S**t   -   #7
    4play's Avatar knob jockey
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    just wondering leech_killer where you sleeping on the couch the night you posted that.

  9. Funny S**t   -   #8
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    just wondering leech_killer where you sleeping on the couch the night you posted that.
    Who would we ask first?

    Is feeding an animal with intoxicating substances with intent to...a crime there? Surely as someone suggested in a whackier post that if it is still on the statute books somewhere in the wonderful US of A, that having sex with a dolphin (with no suggestion of insobriety even) then I would think that felines would be equally protected.

    Perhaps someone should take this to the Legislators. I am sure the fate of felines would be part of their core agenda.

  10. Funny S**t   -   #9
    i saw that b4 lol

  11. Funny S**t   -   #10
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    lol im just quotin to get attention....

    I personally find that very discouraging. My posts are always constructed with an intent to inform and educate. Perhaps you should consider consulting a Therapist with a specialty in postal (or post) whore syndrome. I am sure you will find one in the USA. Take your pet goldfish along too, especially if you live in California.

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