An accountant gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?" He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill on his penis?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow," he began. "Two, once in a while, I like to play with my money, Three, I like how money feels in my hand...And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!!"