Jokes..

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Four Nuns in Heaven

Four nuns just happened to die at the same time. Outside the pearly gates of heaven, they meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, 'Welcome sisters.' He says to the first one, 'Before I let you in I have to know, have you ever touched a penis before?' The first sister says, 'Yes St. Peter, I have. With my finger.' So St. Peter says, 'okay, just dip your finger in the holy water and you're free to go inside.' He asks the second sister, 'Have you ever touched a penis before?' She says, 'Yes, St. Peter, with my hand.' So St. Peter says, 'Okay, just dip your hand in the holy water and you're free to go inside.' St. Peter asks the third nun, 'Have you ever touched a penis before?' Just then, the fourth nun pushes the third nun aside and says to St. Peter, 'If you think I'm going to gargle with that holy water after she puts her ass in it, you've got another thing coming.'

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This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank, shortly after midnight their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately.

The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audiotape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:
"IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING!!"

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THATS WAS A GOOD ONE WASNT IT ??

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Goofy and Minnie

Mickey wanted to get a divorce with Minnie, so they went to court. The judge asked Minnie's lawyer why Mickey wanted to get a divorce. She replied, 'He thinks my client is crazy.' The judge says to Mickey, 'Since there are no records of Minnie being crazy, you can't divorce her.' Mickey replies, 'I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f&(*ing Goofy!'

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What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with the light on.

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