I just re-regged (for the record I have somewhere in the range of 20 to 30 posts on my last account) and thought I'd actually post a topic for once.
Anyway, the point of this post was to find amusing, insightful, or perhaps erotic reviewers from amazon.com. I'll start of course.
Meet david, he hails from ALaMO usa and is a highly opinionated and prolific critic of our times finest art. He also seems to be suffering from numerous mental illnesses simultaneously.
Here are some examples:
Forrest Gump (1994) DVD ~ Tom Hanks
[1 Star] 0 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
ONE BAD HEART WRETCHING AMPUTEE AND TWO IDIOTS December 5, 2003
dog GONE awfull, EXPlOITIVE sentimental STRIP TEAZE, slaughter of serious WHAT YOU GET IS, propagandist SYRUP flatuence in your face EXCESS,almost stream of consciousness for the hallmark SQUAD,its like endless looping TRAINWRECKS scenes of CARNAGE hail HALLOW, THIS IS wHAT movie FOR THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED,ITS UNHINGED in its SUPERFICIALLITY, it banality ,its PREDICTIVE,of ANGST for the TRULLY,rotted LOBOTOMISED smylies in your head,GOSH DARN shucks WHERES garry cooper when you need him.
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (Author)
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
[5 Stars] THE MIND REMENenSENCE November 20, 2003
fItZgerald,arald,herald, the future that you can gleem in symbols of far off,HIS GENUIS,REGRET given full amplification in symbolic descrptions of GLITZ EMPTY ECHOES IN PONIFICATIOns. POSTS given anchor on the pages,past each proceeding the other, he was surely on to something, terrible OF THE HAZARDS MINE FIELDS, STUMBLING ACROSS MOON SOAKED PLATEAUS, ode dizzy paves in broken glass, A PRODIGY FLEEIN A PREMATURE past FUTURE TO STEER CLEAR,THAT LURK ON THE SURFACE OF SEEIN THINGS like no one had ever done before.
[Amusingly he posted this same review twice, the second time he omitted "arald" from the beginning.]
Terminator 3 - Rise of the Machines(2003) DVD ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger
0 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
[4 Stars] [BIG BANG] laugh while you DRIVE/DIE November 15, 2003
[COLLUSION OR COLLISION] aRnIES back, big BANG time alredy OBSOLETE terminator from the future,HES a good [CYBORG], hes a robot with just a hint of attitude,HES a little like wheres DOROTHY? hes not cowardly like the lion or stupid hes faithfull like a [TOTO] a TALKIN dog to CONNER,MOSTLY TO spout/SPROUT one liners.. as usUall hes packin, an arsenal [better to buy time] he drives around alot.. yellow brick road TO demolision VISION delerious,gravity dyfing thee stooges like choreographed skits, where machine collide with other machines slaps part fly OFF through space... machines coiled ready for the kill; frill of THRILL, adrenaline, machines dont know how to love, but ARNIE KINDA DOES, hes learnin,although theres not much time in this BIG spectacular, HEAVY metal, zoom in [SLOT CAR RACER IMPOSSIBLY SPEEDY] A,,ai,[artificial lie ]programMed ORGASM .. AL OBJECTS PROGRAMED TO COLLIDE, these machines rise to the occassionS, SEEK and DESRTOY, heat seeking OVERKILL, BIG TIME,along for amusements, witness but not a participant,stupHOR MATRIX, maximum laugh at,one LINERS OF EXCELLENCE,arnolds,, this movie HAS the guts TO LAUGH LOUD, AND OFTEN, heroically, not only at it self, poke at its not nearlyTOO deadly earnest,[BRETHERIN]bastard LIKE THE MATRIX, left wing pointstoo , neo tribal, groovey kids KICK this movie is non political, [or its buried its head in the tombstone years],republican liberal GOLDWATER MACHINE READY,theres a, unlike LIGHT HEARTED randomness NOT surly MATRIX friendly erks some,in THE natural ORDER, predictable,machine turned ugly, RIDDLED WITH BULLET HOLES, take pot shots, embrasedesignerEMBRASE GAP OUTLETFACADE FRIENDLY YOUNG AND HIP,DISGRACE,BLIND AND HAIRY PSUEDOOVODDOO, MATRIX OR MAXIMS of product placemeants,CONSCIOUSNESS about,at all cost, cater to wow wow wow,BIG BUDAHSIDDARTA HERmme hurly HESSISMS,JOURNEY burly YEAH, JOURNEY HEREand know,THERES NO ESCAPING,,,,,, MOTHER OF ALL BIG BANG on the brink of consciousness, NUMB, OR WAKENS US NUMB FROM THE BIG DUMB POINTLESS EXPENSE OF our machine folly put too much faith reliance in MACHINE TELLS US HUMANS WHERE possible like in a very un like[ the CATERmatrix ],THERES NO WHERE IS THERE everywhere ,..thundering trite POSTUREponification of the youthfull and SHOPPER HER, not even mentioning down the pike next years MODELS,MACHINE OPTIMISM QUAINT PLANT OBSOLESCENCE trite,
And now I guess you do the same thing, or improvise pirate shanties.
EDIT: Christ, can a mod fix my spelling of "reviewer" in the topic?