Operator:
"Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza.
May I have your national ID number?"
Customer:
"Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator:
"I must have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer:
"My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, uh, it's
6102049998-45-54610."
Operator:
"Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
and the phone number's 494-2366.
Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302
and your cell number's 266-2566.
Email address is sheehan@ home.net
Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer:
"Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator:
"We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer:
"The HSS, what is that?"
Operator:
"We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir.
This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"
Customer:
(Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-Meat Special pizzas."
Operator:
"I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer:
"Whaddya mean?"
Operator:
"Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol.
Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy
choice."
Customer:
"What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
Operator:
"You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like
it."
Customer:
"What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator:
"Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer:
"All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
Operator:
"That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids,
and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is
$49.99."
Customer:
"Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator:
"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer:
"I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here."
Operator:
"That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn
also."
Customer:
"Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?"
Operator:
"We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes,sir.
If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're
out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can
be a little awkward."
Customer:
"Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"
Operator:
"It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the
tank yesterday"
Customer:
Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator:
"I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I
see here on September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at
a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got out from a 90 day
stay in the State Correctional Facility.
Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer:
(Speechless)
Operator:
"Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer:
"Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke."
Operator:
"I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from
offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits
this.
Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza!"
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