Dear Masters Milk,
This is my seventh and final letter to you. In previous letters over the last 6 months or so, I have asked politely, begged, demanded and bitched at you over the dissapearance of Spearmint Milk. Not once did you reply to me, not even with a 'Please stop harassing me I'm only the Night Guy' letter or phone call. No, that would just be too difficult and time consuming wouldnt it. Even so, I didnt lose my loyalty toward you, just in case you came back good. And came back you did!
Last week, much to my excitement, I noticed a carton of Spearmint Milk on the shelf in a North Perth deli. I must tell you, I almost died from anticipation. Unfortunately, at that time I did not have any money on me, and so I eagerly planned to nip down to my local store once I got home & cashed up. But apparently Leederville wasnt on your Spearmint Milk run, so I had to wait another week to return to the original deli & indulge in the flavour that has been void from my life for so long.
Today, Mr Masters, I visited said deli, and what did i find? Or should I say what didn't I find? I searched the shelves, dumbstruck, but no. No milk for soda.
What the fuck Masters? Just what is going on here? I dont want your no stupid SUPASHAKE Spearmint Milk, all I ask for is the regular kind, with no shaking required or frightening unnamed thickening substances included. JUST MILK.
Now it is clear to me that you are just trying to fuck with me, and although this will be my last letter to you, dont go thinking I've forgotten.
Go suck a fuck.
Now I know it wasn't spilt milk, but should they be crying over it so much??