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Thread: Terry Jones Letter

  1. #1
    A letter to the london observer from
    Terry Jones (of Monty Python)

    Letter to the Observer
    ----------------------

    Sunday January 26, 2003

    The Observer:

    I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for
    bombing Iraq- he's running out of patience. And so am I! For
    some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson,
    who lives a couple of doors down the street.

    Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They
    both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is
    planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been
    able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few
    times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well
    hidden. That's how devious he is.

    As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from
    very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass
    Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if
    we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my
    neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
    police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say
    that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my
    neighbours.

    They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about
    the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the
    while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible
    things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering
    people.

    Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of
    automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the
    peace. But until recently that's been a little
    difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear
    that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can
    wade in and do whatever I want!

    And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy
    towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international
    peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim
    fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is
    to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened
    us.

    That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill
    his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a
    lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me
    in that totally unacceptable way.

    Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before
    bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that
    he has weapons of mass destruction -even if no one can find
    them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for
    killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for
    bombing Iraq.

    Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place
    by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a
    clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when
    you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped
    out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But
    then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an
    act of terror.

    What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you
    really want to eliminate, since most of the known
    terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
    themselves. Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who
    could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure
    he's achieved his objective until every Muslim
    fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might
    convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing
    to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

    It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just
    the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in
    the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look
    at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've
    wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far
    but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the
    President of the United States. That shuts her up straight
    away.

    Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good
    enough reason for the President, it's good enough for
    me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10
    days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and
    interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar
    terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over
    nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire
    street to kingdom come.

    It's just as same as what George W. Bush is proposing - and,
    in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy
    only one street.

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Originally posted by puremindmatters@16 March 2003 - 19:00
    A letter to the london observer from
    Terry Jones (of Monty Python)

    Letter to the Observer
    ----------------------

    Sunday January 26, 2003

    The Observer:

    I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for
    bombing Iraq- he's running out of patience. And so am I! For
    some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson,
    who lives a couple of doors down the street.

    Bravo!!!

    I hope our president reads it.

    I hope he reads.

    I'm beginning to wonder though.

    He did seem a little put off by reporter's questions about whether he was going to listen to the American people if they voted against a war.
    His answer was A difinitive Yes. As long as Saddam does what Bush wants him to do.


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