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Thread: New Barbie Collection

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    In a State Of Confusion
    The Release Today of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the US Market:

    Utah Barbie: She's 29 and she's already had six kids. She has
    never worked a day in her life and really doesn't think she should have
    to. She comes with a brand new home on an acre and a half of land in the
    Utah Foothills. Her Barbie Dream Home comes with furniture for all
    ten bedrooms, two mini vans, two horses and a trampoline. She also
    comes with a jar of expensive stretch mark cream and a consent form to
    have her tubes tied after the birth of child number thirteen. Bonus - this
    Barbie comes with a one-year membership to Costco which is where she has
    to shop to feed her brood. Never-at-home Ken is a Mormon Bishop and a
    high school administrator.

    California Barbie: This Barbie is usually found shopping in her
    Lululemon yoga outfit with her snowboarding, shaggy-haired boyfriend
    Ken. On weekends, you can find this Barbie babe at the Porcupine Grill
    with a swarm of Barbie friends and a grande, double shot, skinny,
    sugar-free vanilla latte. You can purchase this Barbie's poorboy cap and
    torn Levi's for her laid-back days.

    Colorado Barbie: This 'Princess Barbie' is only sold at The GateWay.
    She comes with assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and
    a two million dollar house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift, Spa
    certificates, and a workaholic, cheating Dr. Ken.

    New York Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm
    handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a slammed Chevrolet with oversized wheels
    and tinted windows. Methadone Clinic Ken included. Also available with
    orange overalls.

    Texas Barbie: This model wears Wrangler jeans two sizes too small and a
    NASCAR shirt. Accessories include a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank,
    Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's a$$ when
    she's drunk. A pickup is available with Country "Don't mess with Texas" bumper stickers.

    HollyWood Barbie: This model Barbie comes with a Mini Cooper
    and a $200,000 bachelorette pad. She likes to lunch on a salad at
    Gastronomy restaurants most days and carries her Chihuahua, named
    Pookie, in her handbag. This Barbie takes Pookie to her job downtown as
    an analyst. Also available: numerous Platinum credit cards and

    Arkansas Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has not learned
    that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless without breaking a
    heel and falling while you chase your mullet-wearing boyfriend. Her
    ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, with assorted g-strings
    that stick out the back, and a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her
    long, layered hair is bleached and BIG. Accessories include: a 1996
    Camaro Z-28 and a CD-player equipped with vintage Ozzi.

    Chicago Barbie: This Barbie has recently been divorced. She
    comes with Ken's car, Ken's house and Ken's cabin.

    Nevada Barbie: This Barbie is a bitter broad. She's in her late 30's
    but a lifetime of beer and cigarettes have left her looking ten years
    older. She's recently lost her gig at the Golden Fleece. It's pretty bad
    when the worst strip joint in Nevada tells you 'sorry honey, you just sag
    too much now.' This Barbie comes with a 1988 Ford Taurus with broken air
    conditioning. She also comes with thirty-five assorted wigs in all
    styles and colors. She hopes to land a position dealing Blackjack at
    whatever casino passes for the Las Vegas this week. Additional
    accessories include a variety of costumes and rhinestone jewelry. This
    Barbie may also open Reno's first pole-dancing class to teach
    desperate women how to strip for their man. Bonus - Truckstop layover
    Ken is included.

    Oklahoma Barbie: The Okie Barbie lives in a red brick tract home built in
    the 1940's for a Okie worker. She inherited it from her
    grandmother. The house is falling to pieces around her ears. This Barbie
    comes with Handyman Ken and his 1977 camper converted into a work truck.
    Accessories include all Ken's tools, even a mini arc welding set and
    tiny little pipes to reconstruct Barbie's kitchen and bathroom. You can
    select from a Ken with or without 'plumber's crack.' Special feature,
    Okie Barbie also speaks Spanish and has a lifetime pit pass to the Raceway and a collection of Elvis mementos purchased from

    Florida Barbie: The Plam Beach Barbie is our oldest Florida Barbie. But
    don't let her fool you! Granny's still got a lot of gas left in her
    tank. Gramps is dead and Granny has sold the house and most of her stuff
    and has bought a condo in Plam Beach. Now Granny's days are filled with
    brunches with the girls in the morning, then a nap, and then late
    afternoon tee-times. Oldster Barbie loves golf and her accessories
    include a golf cart and a set of pro-quality clubs. Palm Beach Barbie
    only goes back up to Iowa to see her children and grandchildren at
    Christmas and Mother's Day. The rest of the time Granny is a real
    swinger. Florida Barbie comes with smarmy Condo Association President
    Ken, and Pool Boy Ken as well. Also included is a hand embroidered throw
    pillow with the quote 'What Happens in Plam Beach Stays in Plam Beach.'

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    ZaZu's Avatar I know stuff ...
    Join Date
    Sep 2003

    Get yours here

    If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
    -- Art Buchwald --

  4. Funny S**t   -   #3
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Surrey, BC
    New York Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm
    handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a slammed Chevrolet with oversized wheels
    and tinted windows. Methadone Clinic Ken included. Also available with
    orange overalls.

    WHOA! that's sweeeeeeeeeet, (post above me B)

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  5. Funny S**t   -   #4

    Stereotyping is awesome!!
    Q6600 @ 3.42Ghz | Gigabyte EP35-DS3R | EVGA 8800GT 721/1802/2006 w/ Accelero S1 | 4gb Crucial DDR2 @ 760mhz | 750gb Hitachi 7k1000 | Corsair 520HX | 2 x Samsung SyncMaster T240 24" | Windows 7 Ultimate


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