(SJ) (Sarcastic Journal) Miami Florida:The hurricanes that recently struck Florida could have been prevented had the National Weather Service had the proper tools to do so. President Bush was quoted by unconfirmed sources as saying "The National Weather Service has all of the tools needed to forecast such disasters, which is all the American people need, even though the the technology exists to prevent such disasters."
One hurricane survivor in Florida was quoted as saying "Had John Kerry been President these disasters would have been avoided because he would have got the United Nations and all of the other countries in the world to come together to make resolutions preventing these hurricanes from forming. Had they formed against these resolutions then Kerry would have imposed sanctions denying them warm water and winds."
This reporter fails to see how Bush could send these meterologists into harms way without the proper training. Granted they are all trained as meterologists, however they are not all trained in the art of hurricane negotiations.
Demonstrators were seen demonstrating outside the National Weather Service offices carrying signs and chanting "Kerry Kerry, he's our man, if God can't do it Kerry can."
As of this morning John Kerry could not be reached for comment due to a previous engagement with his windsurfer buddies.
(SJ) (Sarcastic Journal) Seattle Washington: The recent eruptions of Mt. St. Helens could have been prevented had President Bush not been spewing all of the hot air and steam at recent campaign stops in Ohio.
A USGS employee stated that an employee of the National Weather Service said the prevailing winds in the northern hemisphere are generally from west to east. The hot air and steam spewed by the Bush Campaign traveled around the world. A vaccuum in the volcano before the campaigns started was overcome by all of this hot air and steam until it built to a pressure that the dome was no longer able to withstand.
One Kerry Campaign Manager was quoted on the condition of anonymity as saying "Had Kerry been President he would have drafted an aide such as Monica Lewinsky to suck the pressure out of the volcano thus preventing the eruptions."
Kerry was unavailable for comment due to a trip to one of the Heinz factories located in Mexico.