lol
Colonel
lol
Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.
n00b
BT Rep: +11
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . Please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
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What Gender is it ?
You may not know that many non-living things have a gender.
For example:
1) Ziploc bags – Male
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers – Female
They are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tyre – Male
because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon – Male
because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges -- Female
because they're soft,squeezable and retain water.
6) Web Page – Female
because it's always getting hit on.
7) Subway – Male
because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
Hourglass – Female
because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) Hammer – Male
because it hasn't changed much over the last 5000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) Remote Control -- Female.
Yeah, you thought it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
n00b
BT Rep: +11
A young woman really thought she'd been very patient, through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.
One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So... how do you like your rice? Boiled? Or fried?"
Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and replied, "Thrown."
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Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing? "
Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
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Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
n00b
BT Rep: +11
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
Colonel
lmfaoA woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.
EFFYOUsion, biotch
Originally Posted by baccyman
wow! what a stupid man
<<<FIRE>>><<<FOR>>><<<EFFECT>>>
AMD Athlon 64 X2 4400+ Dual Core
ASUS A8N5X Socket 939 NVIDIA nForce4
Corsair 2x512MB PC3200
XFX Nvidia 7600GT 256MB
Creative Labs Sound Blaster X-Fi Platinum
Samsung 940b-19" 8ms 700:1
Colonel
stupid? yes. (that includes girl)
Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.
n00b
BT Rep: +11
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
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Two Jewish businessmen meet in a restaurant for a lunch suggested by one of them.
One of them says, "I have a good deal for you. When I was in Florida, I went to the town where the circus stays during the winter. I happened to pick up an elephant. I could let you have it for three thousand dollars."
The other businessman sipped his martini and said, "What am I going to do with an elephant? I live in a condo. I barely have room for my furniture. I can’t even squeeze in an end table. So I’m going to buy an elephant?"
The first businessman said, "I could let you have three of them for two grand..."
"Oh," said the other, "now you’re talking!"
n00b
BT Rep: +11
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"Excuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done.
"What was that all about?"
"Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
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The wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons
joined them for dinner. The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal, he drew them aside.
"You’re all grown men," he said, "and old enough to hear this. Your mother and I have never been legally married."
"What?" gasped one of the sons. "Do you mean to say we’re all bastards?"
'Yes," snapped the old man, "and cheap ones, too."
Colonel
hahahahahaha
Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.
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wow! what a stupid man
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